To our golden age

　　For as long as I can remember, I have dreamed of being an adult. When I was a kid, I played house with my little friends and was super excited about being an adult. As a teenager, I was alone abroad. By the time I turned 30, I had everything I thought marked adulthood: a career, a house, a washing machine, a dishwasher, and a refrigerator. The daily household bills and the large appliances I paid for are proof that I have finally become the responsible, confident adult I have always dreamed of.

　　It's just that at some point, I'll be as helpless as a child. For example, when I open the kitchen trash can and find a thick layer of maggots wriggling on the lid, I'll immediately call my mother for help. For another example, when my bag was stolen, someone else told me that homeowners insurance could provide compensation, but I could only have a question mark on my face: "What is homeowners insurance?" On the surface, I'm in my mid-thirties, but a lot of the time, I feel like I'm just a grown-up appearance.

　　To answer my doubts, I consulted experts in neuroscience, evolutionary biology, and psychoanalysis, as well as interviewing adults of all ages, some young adults, some parents, some middle-aged year. Regardless of age, most people tell me they are far from mature. So, I turned to the elderly. I stubbornly believe that the elderly are the most mature group, and they will answer my "what is mature" question, and the answer must be satisfactory.

　　Opened in 1960, Sun City, Arizona was the first large retirement community in the United States and home to members of the Boom. The dance group has a total of 28 members, the oldest is 89 years old and the youngest is 58 years old. They train 3 times a week and go to 50 shows a year.

　　According to sociological, medical and neuroscience standards, age 60 is a sign of old age. I was surprised to learn from author Pat Thayn that our definition of "old" hasn't changed much over the centuries: Medieval Englishmen were obliged to work until the age of 60; 13th-century Jerusalem knights 60 Exemption from military service after the age of 60; back to the present, citizens can receive pensions after the age of 60. However, one thing has changed: since the last century, aging has become a common thing. This is partly due to the birth of geriatric medicine.

　　Aging is commonplace, but liking it is unusual. Otherwise why would we have so many anti-wrinkle creams? Why is "you're old" an insult? Why does our society advocate youth? "In our public culture, if someone says you're old, what he's implying is that you're no longer dynamic and don't want to acquire new knowledge," said Sarah Lamb, a professor of anthropology at Brandeis University. Society as a whole is trapped in such stereotypes, believing that it reflects objective facts rather than revealing our inner biases.

| A 66-year-old man who fell in love with music again |

　　In fact, we can ask ourselves, what if the elderly, like us, do not know what "maturity" is? Graham seems to be that way. He had recently faded out of academia, “in that world, pretence is very important.” To survive, he had to show authority and resilience, hiding the “fragile, shy and reserved” parts of himself. For 40 years, he "has been suppressing his true self". I asked him if he felt mature now. He replied: "No, I'm still a month away from turning 66, and I'm a very mature person by the numbers, but I don't feel that way at all."

The members are rehearsing dance for two performances of "Sun City"

　　Graham grew up with many siblings in Bootle, a working-class district of Liverpool. I asked him what fond childhood memories he had, and he described receiving a gift when he was three, "It was a plastic guitar, and I fell in love with music when the Beatles were just on fire." 30-something At the time, Graham was on a normal adult trajectory: buying a house, getting married, becoming a father. After the marriage broke down, he devoted all his energy to his daughter and career, but he "lived like a walking dead". After the age of 50, hope came, and the local Irish Folklore Centre was looking for violinists. Graham strummed the strings again and he was "excited because the touch and texture of the strings strongly awakened his love for music".

　　Graham forgot how to play the violin and didn't think he would stick with it, and ended up spending years as a violinist at the Folklore Center. After moving back to the North West of England, he joined the charity Yorkshire Rising Stars Strings. This opened up a whole new world for him. He made new friends and regained his confidence. "I seem to have changed a person and can reconcile with my true self. I was thinking: I want to be myself."

Members practice hula hooping.

The 80-year-old Mary Zbell has been in the group for 21 years and is a veteran of the dance company.

　　Graham changed his lifestyle after being diagnosed with type 2 diabetes, and his condition has since gone into remission. "An adult should understand that people are mortal. You can't ignore the problems of your body, you have to take care of yourself." He said that functional decline and deterioration of health are inevitable. "Many people do not accept this and want to continue to consume it. , but I'm not a 22-year-old anymore."

　　Music filled the void in Graham's later years. “I used to give up lesser satisfactions for the greater good.” Papers waiting to be published, grants waiting for approval, titles waiting for review… In Graham’s 30s, 40s and 50s, these were Things took over his life. He added: "Music taught me to live in the moment."

　　Everything Graham said made me feel like this was maturity, and I wondered if he felt the same way. "It's hard to tell. I still don't understand what maturity means." He thought for a while and continued, "If maturity means you can live in peace with yourself and reconcile with yourself, then I'm mature." I think that's the best definition of maturity in my eyes.

　　Klaus Rothmund, head of the Department of Basic Psychology at the University of Jena in Germany, published a study showing that older people are more interested in helping others and are more willing to use their energy to benefit the younger generation; It is more inclined to set a long-term goal and follow the model of "act now, benefit in the future". However, these strategies gradually lose their effectiveness with age. In old age, people tend to "do whatever comes to mind". Rothmund's research proves that, regardless of age, people change their goals once they know they're about to die. "You don't have much time left, and it makes you realize right away that you can't do it all, so you focus on what's most important," he said. "If we're lucky, we'll realize when we're old. This 'growing up' -- living the day in a way that focuses on the essence of life."

| Arrested 78-year-old Rabbi |

　　I watched a video that went viral showing a rabbi being taken away by police during a 2019 protest by Extinction Rebellion. I'm very curious what the 78-year-old Jeffrey Newman in the video has to say about "maturity." Newman said he spent his 70th birthday in a state of anxiety. "I have to admit that I'm getting old." I asked him what was the difference between before and after 70, and he replied, "No difference, it feels like I've come to the other side, It turned out that the sun was rising as usual."

　　For Newman, the change began the year he left the synagogue at 59. He had time to think about what he really wanted to do. "I learned how to live in the moment, how to serve people, and this new phase in my life is so exciting." Newman has met seniors from around the world through Extinction Rebellion. When referring to these people, he spoke of "curiosity," "kindness," "awakening," "consideration," and "courage." He told me: "Don't put the hat of an elder on your head, stay humble, of course, it takes wisdom, you can do it, you are still working towards the goal, not because you have reached the goal, So you can rely on the old to sell the old."

Members hold hands to cheer up before the Christmas parade begins.

Ziber said she amused the audience by twirling the baton.

　　Newman described the arrest as an "induction ceremony" in his later years. While scared, he said, "the key is to be prepared to get out of the woods". As it turns out, for a 78-year-old Rabbi, being arrested was a major milestone in his growing up. Understanding this may take a twist, but when I gave up on finding a clear definition and state of "maturity," I began to embrace these seemingly inconsistencies.

| A 90-year-old lady who wants to continue to grow |

　　If you want to further prove that old age and maturity are not linked, a woman named "Bounce" may be a good example. She speaks in cadence, wit, and a firm, moving tone, and the nickname "Bumpy Stiletto" suits her very well. "I didn't think about it before, and it's kind of scary to think about it now," she said. "It turns out I'm 90 years old."

　　Born in Majiao, her father served in the British navy and was born at the age of nine. Died in a submarine accident. When Bounce was 13, her mother was admitted to a mental hospital and left her to a cousin. As an adult, she met her husband, Brian, with whom she had three sons.

　　At the age of 78, her husband was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease. It was from this moment that she felt that she had truly grown up. "In the process of taking care of him, I realized that I am an impatient and empathetic person. Recognizing myself is an important step in growing up." Bounce took care of her husband for eight years. "Afterwards, I had to always have to Looking at him, I can't go out, except for a haircut once a week, I rely on that one hour to go out."

　　Regarding Brian's death, Bumpy honestly confided her mixed feelings, "I finally breathed a sigh of relief. ." After her husband died, she didn't shed a single tear and arranged her life properly. But eight months later, sadness struck. "Overnight, everything changed," she said. "I felt sad." In the days that followed, she was a completely different person. She finally realizes that she was wearing a mask before, and that through the cracks in the perfect mask, she can glimpse her real self, which makes her happy. Bounce's heartfelt words taught me that grief can bring new life and deepen our understanding of ourselves and others. "I feel like I've grown up in that regard. But how old was I? 86!" said Bounce. It reminds me of Graham on the violin and Newman in service, rejuvenated, energized, and growing for the rest of their lives.

　　I asked Bumbo if he hoped that when he reached the end of his life, he had already completed the long run of growth.

　　She said she didn't want to, "I accept the fact that the oil is running out, but even a small glimmer of light means there is still a lot to look forward to and learn from. Isn't this another kind of immortality ?"