Andy

 After Qianzhen got divorced, Yang Dongyang and I accompany her to eat a few times. The three of us are all in Shijiazhuang, and we don’t live too far away, but we haven’t met much before, and we all have our own business to do. After the meal, Qianzhen set up a group for the three of us and named it "Three Girls with Big Faces". I remember when we were in college, the three of us lived in a dormitory. It was good enough to wear a pair of trousers, and money was mixed. There was a period of time when the three of us ran out of money. Yang Dongyang and I went back to the dormitory and saw a sticker on the door. Note: The big-faced woman in the ghetto. Didn't make me and Yang Dongyang laugh to death.

Qianzhen is recalling the past.

Who knows, when I went to work the next day, I searched for the "big-faced three girls" group for a long time before I found it. It turned out that the name was changed, and it was Yang Dongyang who changed it, and it was replaced by "threesome". I'm typing in the group, Lao Yang, can you be a little fun, you old pedant?

Yang Dongyang responded in seconds with his voice. When he was in college, he pinch a stream of water, saying that his face is big, it is purely cute, saying that he is a woman, it is also a prophet of uncertainty. Now, when people are middle-aged, everyone has such a big face. , do not know what to hide? Also "girl", they are supplemented with soy isoflavones, are you embarrassed?

Qianzhen also replied with a voice, she was probably playing tricks with Yang Dongyang. Someone came in from the office, so I didn't listen. After more than an hour, when I looked at the group again, I still stayed on Qianzhen's voice, and Yang Dongyang didn't reply. Yang Dongyang was a psychologist and was very busy. I listened to Qianzhen's voice, which roughly means that she is now a free body and a girl again. You love women and women, she is a girl.

However, Qianzhen did not change the group name back to "Big Face Three Girls".

After the group was established, the three of them didn't talk much together, and most of them were still "girly" Qianzhen, who was idly groaning and sent some pictures and videos. I saw it, and I will reply a sentence or two, but Yang Dongyang rarely responds. Looking at Yang Dongyang's circle of friends, meditating and yoga, clocking in with aurora words, and clocking in keep running, this woman is getting more and more active.

Qianzhen and I spoke, saying, Yang Dongyang is getting more and more energetic, and his energy has been declining, unlike you and me, who are exhausted one by one. I said, I'm not tired, I'm soft, I can't even lift it up.

Put down the voice, I wrapped the quilt tightly. My nights are very strange. Before eleven o’clock, I was lying on this big bed alone, chatting with Qianzhen’s voice, chatting with two friends in the screenwriting circle, and sometimes tinkering with a recitation and posting it on Himalaya. The water on the slope flows wherever it wants to flow. After playing enough, go to sleep. If I can sleep peacefully before twelve o’clock, that will be the highest reward for the chaos of the day, but more than half of the time, I toss and turn on this big bed, and I have to eat a grain in the end. Estazolam. Yang Dongyang said that I had an anxiety disorder, and I told her that I was not anxious, and I had nothing to worry about. Yang Dongyang said whether you are anxious or not, it's not your decision, and he also said that I should find a way to solve this problem, for example, I should go to the second bedroom to see my old friend. I said, I never go to the second bedroom to see my old friend, but my old friend would come to see me in the master bedroom every night. We chatted politely and then went back to each room. Yang Dongyang said that I have not learned how to manage a marriage for so many years, so I just let it go, and I have to bear the consequences. I shouted, and the old pedant was teaching again.

That night, I listened to Yang Dongyang's words, and I really went to the second bedroom to see Lao Tong. The lights were dark in the room. I listened to the door first. It was not that there was no sound, but a rustling voice came out. I gently opened the door, and I found Lao Tong lying facing the wall, breathing evenly. I think I should find an opportunity to remind my old friend to lock the door when he sleeps, and my door should be locked too.

two

Qian Zhen, who has recovered into a "girl" body, has started looking for a partner just like she did more than 20 years ago, but it is not exactly the same as more than 20 years ago. Today, the channel for her to find a partner is actually the Internet. We are all very strange, Qianzhen is in good condition, a senior reporter, a daughter, a university student, a house of more than 90 square meters in the second ring road of the city, and a car. In reality, no one introduced her to anyone, except for a few of our best friends, but there were not many people around us who were suitable for her. She could only rely on dating software.

After spending some time in various dating apps and live broadcast rooms, Qianzhen told me that nowadays people can't tell the difference between online and offline. Now, I wake up in the morning to live for dinner, I live to bring goods to work, I live to walk my dog ​​after get off work, and I live for marriage in the evening. , no, not even this network cable, we are living in a password? I said, we are living in a password, this password does not need to be entered, it is remembered once you lose it.

Qianzhen met the men she met on the dating app, and sometimes called me over. That day, I accompanied Qianzhen to meet a man who was five years younger than her. The man was a writer of internet literature, from the south. He sipped a thin tube and drank coconut juice and told us a dream-like time-travel story. After coming out, Qianzhen couldn't listen anymore, so she ordered two ice creams, and we both ate ice cream while listening to keep calm. Finally, after the online literature writer finished speaking, we fled out of the restaurant. In the car, Qianzhen was unhappy and said, let's go to Yang Dongyang for dinner.

Yang Dongyang is not easy to find. This time, he is actually free, but he is still busy now, participating in a hospice care activity at the "Flower and Fruit Tree". Qianzhen turned around at the next intersection and walked towards the "Flower and Fruit Tree". "Flower and Fruit Tree" is a hospice care institution for children in Shijiazhuang. Back then, Yang Dongyang's fame depended on it, and Qianzhen came up with the idea. Qianzhen has worked in the media for more than ten years and has some experience as a packaging person. About five or six years ago, the self-taught Yang Dongyang obtained the second-level psychological counselor certificate, but he had nowhere to display his ambitions. One meal, she complained non-stop. At that time, Qianzhen had just done a program for "Huaguoshu" when she suddenly had an epiphany and said, "Lao Yang, you can be a psychological counselor for "Huaguoshu", I can guarantee that the publicity of this "flower and fruit tree" has to be followed up, so that you will become famous.

Because it was the first one, and it specialized in hospice care for children, in those two years, "Huaguoshu" was really pursued and held by the media. Yang Dongyang was like a rural girl who had just entered the city, with a large sum of money. Yang Dongyang was also smart, and made use of the white wall of the "flower and fruit tree". Every time a child died, a living child would draw a flower or cut a flower, write the name of the deceased child in the flower core, and paste it on. wall. Now, there are already 20 or 30 crooked flowers on the white wall, all of which are growing up to the sky, red, yellow, blue, and any color. Those who don't know the truth will find this wall full of childlike interest.

I have seen that wall.

I told Qianzhen that the flowers on that wall were all lies, and they withered before they bloomed. Qianzhen was soft-hearted and did not look at the wall, saying that children who died young were angels. Yang Dongyang is well-informed and always silent when we talk about these topics.

After waiting for more than half an hour, I saw Yang Dongyang come out. After getting in the car, Yang Dongyang took a few sips of water and couldn't help telling us that no matter how busy he was, he had to do public welfare here. That's right, Yang Dongyang is doing charity work in Huaguoshu. Her official work unit is Qirui Education. She is the chief psychological counselor of the largest private educational institution in Shijiazhuang. Most of the people who come to her for consultation are junior high school students and senior high school students. We once asked Yang Dongyang, did he not come to inquire about the relationship between the sexes? Yang Dongyang said, yes, there are many. Several of our children have gone to college, and we don't care much about the mental state before the big test. When we hear about the relationship between the sexes, we can't help but ask about details. At this time, Yang Dongyang didn't say anything. She said that they did psychological counseling and could not reveal other people's privacy. That's right, we all understand.

The three of us have dinner, generally eating coarse grain porridge and three or four green vegetables. That day, Qianzhen was not in a good mood. She ordered corn ribs and beef soup, smashed a piece of pork ribs, and said to Yang Dongyang, Lao Yang, look at your slack appearance, eat some meat and be happy. Yang Dongyang leaned forward to probe his body and said, I feel like I'm going to collapse, so I need to make up for it. She also took a piece of spareribs, ate two bites, and then put it down, saying, "You don't know, that child is so pitiful, only ten years old, with blastoma."

The child's name is written on a flower on the wall again. I thought to myself, it was like chewing wax in my mouth. The meal was tasteless.

three

It's eleven o'clock again, and the moment that scares me is coming again. I don't know why I'm afraid to go to sleep during that time, maybe it's the most awake time of the day. I closed my eyes, the face of Lao Tong appeared in front of my face, the TV station was reforming, and he was facing the fate of being fired. Of course he was not reconciled and was jumping up and down. That's what I told Chi-Jin. In fact, Lao Tong did not jump up and down, but increased the frequency of going to the mountains to take pictures with a photography group. This month, the deputy director of the car has already traveled to Gouxian Village twice with the photography group. I shook my head, and the voice chat request sounded at this moment. It's Qian Zhen. Only Qianzhen dared to speak to me at eleven o'clock. Qianzhen said that she had two tickets for the concert at the National Grand Theater in Beijing. She asked me if I wanted to go tomorrow afternoon. Maybe afraid of my rejection, Qianzhen said that she should take it easy, tomorrow is Saturday. I agreed, she asked for my ID number, and sent the time and train number of the high-speed rail ticket to my mobile phone in a while. When I saw it was after 7:00 in the morning, I was a little puzzled, and asked Qianzhen by voice. He faltered and said, there are other things in the morning, I have to go with her.

At half past five in the morning, I was downstairs waiting for Qianzhen's car to pick me up. Before going out, I planned to leave a message to my old friend's WeChat, but after thinking about it, I didn't leave it. When I woke up in the morning, the old man couldn't see me, he must have thought I was out for a walk, and he wouldn't ask any questions.

On the high-speed train, Qianzhen told the truth. She opened a room with a man last night. She was in a trance and couldn't insist that the man wear a condom. Afterwards, she was very frightened. This needle is not available in Shijiazhuang, so I can only go to Beijing. I widened my eyes and looked at Qianzhen with a remorseful face. What Qianzhen regretted was not that she had opened a room with a man she had only known for half a month, but that she had not insisted on letting the man take safety measures.

Qianzhen was very embarrassed and said, don't look at me like that, it's not a problem in the post-80s and 90s... I thought about it, I don't seem to have any qualifications to accuse Qianzhen, Qianzhen knows that I have A lover who has been with him for five years, this may be the reason why Qian Zhenfei asked me to accompany me to get the blocking needle. After middle age, there is only one reason for former friends to form close small groups, circumstance. Our college students who stayed in Shijiazhuang, who were mixed into the middle class, discussed who would go to their villa in the mountains on Saturdays and Sundays for vacation. And Qianzhen and I were in a mess, and all we discussed was how to achieve a psychological balance, so that we could live without showing anything in the crowd.

One day, let's go and listen to Yang Dongyang's class. She is now an expert on love and marriage, and she teaches classes at Communication University. Qianzhen said suddenly.

Feeling nervous again, what class are you listening to, what do you understand? I leaned my head against the car window. I woke up too early today and felt sleepy, but my mind was clear. Qianzhen thought it was time for us both to sort out our love lives. Qianzhen belongs to a hungry meal, and I belong to hanging from a crooked neck. No, it's two, no matter which one, it's enough for me to hang myself. My lover, who has been with me for five years, is still with me now. A small part of his day belongs to me, and his night will not belong to me at all. He treats me every night at eleven o'clock. The watershed is harmful and not helpful, and maybe, he is the culprit in forming that 11 that scares me.

As for Yang Dongyang in our "Three Walks", Yang Dongyang, who is a psychological counselor, and Yang Dongyang, who is a winner in life, should be sitting in the bright dining room at this time, having breakfast with Tao Chunguang.

Tao Chunguang is also our college classmate. Tao Chunguang is handsome, can sing and dance, and is eloquent. At the earliest, our department held a dance party, and Tao Chunguang danced with our guide, who was also our senior sister, who just graduated a year ago. The two danced gracefully, and we clapped on the side, feeling that they were a pair of beautiful people. Later, a shocking news came out that Yang Dongyang began to pursue Tao Chunguang. Qianzhen and I were the last to know. We went to ask Yang Dongyang, Yang Dongyang was very calm, she said she loved Tao Chunguang. A person opens a pair of clear eyes and tells people that he (she) loves someone, maybe only when he is eighteen or nineteen years old, it will be so smooth and natural. Years later, we no longer know whether we love someone or not, and we are constantly discerning the difference.

Notes like "the big-faced woman in the slums" never appeared again, Yang Dongyang and Tao Chunguang ate together, and the money was mixed. When Qianzhen and I went back to the dormitory, we saw two people sitting on Yang Dongyang's bed kissing each other more than once, and they didn't shy away from us. We never doubted that they would break up one day, however, the time has come. On the day of graduation, Tao Chunguang went to the station to see us off, and Yang Dongyang couldn’t help crying. We then learned that Tao Chunguang’s parents had arranged for him to work in the township government of his hometown, and Yang Dongyang signed a publishing house in Shijiazhuang. There's no way, maybe it's just because the love in my youth is clear and there are not so many intertwined relationships, it's even more vulnerable.

About half a year later, a few of our friends who stayed in Shijiazhuang had dinner. Yang Dongyang came late, and the one who came in behind Yang Dongyang turned out to be a smiling Tao Chunguang. Yang Dongyang shyly told us that Tao Chunguang quit his job in the government of his old hometown and went to Shijiazhuang to develop with her. We were all surprised. At first, Yang Dongyang didn't give us any hints, but we only later heard that it was Tao Chunguang who was looking for Yang Dongyang. I sighed that the love talked about in the ivory tower is different from the talk in the society, and the purity is higher. Qianzhen said that I was a fool. For a while, she said that the love she talked about in her student days was unreliable, and then she said that it was of high purity. She said, the real reason is not here. You have not been to Tao Chunguang's hometown, right? My uncle's house belongs to Xianping, and Xianping is poor. I think Tao Chunguang didn't want to stay in such a poor place, so he came to Yang Dongyang. I didn't refute Qianzhen, anyway, we are full of blessings for the two of them to be together.

After that, Tao Chunguang ran through insurance, did sales, and after a little savings, opened an advertising company. When the two of them got married, many of our classmates went there. At that time, I was writing copywriting for the radio station, and I was not married yet. The dormitory of my work unit was not too far from the house they rented, and I often went to their house for food. Tao Chunguang has a special dish called Weiwei Beans, which is to stir-fry all kinds of soaked beans together, and add the soup prepared in advance. The taste is really strange, I can remember it now, but that The taste is hard to describe.

My husband and I have a decent marriage. After a lot of kisses, they were more in tune with the old synchro and got married. At that time, Lao Tong was still Xiao Tong, with a fair face, wearing a white T-shirt, jeans, very sunny, working in a TV station and a cameraman. When I take off my T-shirt and jeans at night, my old friend will be exposed. Tell me that there is a hole the size of a fist on the roof of the TV station. These videographers often lie on the roof and look at the stars through the hole. Dress up. That's really a thrill, star. Lao Tong's eyes lit up, and when he saw that I didn't speak, he quickly closed his mouth, not to watch it again, really not to watch it. There are other things that are clearly revealed. For example, the old fellow has no staff in the unit and is a contract worker. After I knew this, I almost knocked over a plate, the old man didn't care, he was drinking soup at the table, saying, there are temporary workers. Laotong is such a person, content with all the status quo. I asked Qianzhen later, if this is a cheating marriage? Qianzhen said, you didn't ask, the introducer said it was official, so you naturally thought it was organized. I thought about it, and it is. Qianzhen also said that if you want to blame yourself, you are the one who is irresponsible to yourself. I said, I am not irresponsible to myself, and to get married at the age of marriage is to be responsible to myself.

In the first few years, Yang Dongyang and Tao Chunguang did not live peacefully. Perhaps because I didn't live too far, I became their voluntary "firefighter". Whenever they quarrel, they call me. Sometimes Yang Dongyang called, sometimes Tao Chunguang. When Yang Dongyang called me, often as soon as I entered the door, Yang Dongyang burst into tears at me, and I taught Tao Chunguang a lesson, and it was over. When Tao Chunguang called me, it was often Tao Chunguang who didn't speak with a stern face, Yang Dongyang didn't speak with a cold face, and there were two who didn't speak. Look at the names of the two of you, one is spring, the other is winter, the other is spring, and the other is warm winter. The two of them remained silent, so I asked Tao Chunguang to teach me how to make strange-flavored beans. There are always a variety of beans in their house, which were grown by Tao Chunguang's father. After eating at the table, the two of them started to attack each other. As long as they spoke, it was easy. Most of them were because of their children. They gave birth to a daughter, who was brought by Tao Chunguang's parents in Xianping's hometown. They went back to see once every two weeks. . I persuaded both sides, and they also went down the slope. Before leaving, Tao Chunguang asked me to pack the rest of the weird-flavored beans and take them back. I didn't take them. Actually, I really don't like any weird-flavored beans.

Is it because I have experienced many quarrels at Yang Dongyang's house, and my husband and I seemed to be very calm in the first few years after marriage? This can be considered a kind of immunity. Every time I come back from Yang Dongyang’s house, I look at my old friend and think, fortunately, this kind of chicken jumping didn’t happen in our house, otherwise, I would definitely go crazy. My old friend and I have a son, and my mother lives in our house to help us take care of it. Later, I learned that our son and my mother brought us the peace in the early days after we got married. The most difficult thing in this world is not how to be alone in a group of people, but how to get along with two people. .

Doing the math, Yang Dongyang took the "Family System Arrangement" class for the first time, probably fifteen years ago. At that time, she and Tao Chunguang had already brought their daughter to school. The first time I listened to Yang Dongyang gushing about this class, I thought it was quite new. Yang Dongyang said that this class was the result of thirty years of research by German psychotherapy master Hellinger, and it was very advanced. When Yang Dongyang said the price, I was taken aback. Thousands of dollars in that era were not a small number. Yang Dongyang didn't say a word, he took out the money and went there. At that time, I didn't know why Yang Dongyang went to that class. About half a year later, Yang Dongyang came to our radio station to find me. There were three people in my office, and I took her to the backyard.

Yang Dongyang said that the class was really good. Proving this "good" is that her relationship with Tao Chunguang has improved too much. Come to think of it, I really didn't go to their house to put out the fire during this period of time. At this time, I learned that Yang Dongyang went to that class to improve his relationship with Tao Chunguang. Yang Dongyang said, I thought my daughter would come back, our family would stay together, Tao Chunguang's company would be normal, and our family would be harmonious and beautiful, full of warmth, but in fact it wasn't, what can I do? I can't argue with my daughter in front of him, I can only start from the inside, and this class just solved my needs.

I remember it was autumn, and pine oil dripped from the old pine tree in the backyard of the radio station, Yang Dongyang and I walked under the tree, Yang Dongyang's shoes were stuck, Yang Dongyang raised his feet for unknown reasons, I told She is pine oil, and she has an expression of sudden realization like a child. Yang Dongyang lives in her own world forever, and she has no idea that pine trees will grow pine oil. However, her mind soon came out of the pine oil, and she asked me enthusiastically, are you going to that class?

It turned out to be to persuade me to take that class. My ears are thin and soft. The hexagram says that people with such ears are not resistant to temptation, but at that moment I did not agree to her because of money. My old friend and I just made a down payment on a house. I turned the topic to the house and told Yang Dongyang that I, Lizi, Qianzhen, and a few classmates all bought houses in Shijiazhuang. Yang Dongyang was unmoved, saying that there will be bread and a house. However, if the relationship is seriously damaged, it cannot be repaired. I thought she was alarmist and walked under the pine tree, letting the pine oil stick to my shoes.

Later, I heard that Yang Dongyang lobbied several of our classmates to have a little MLM momentum to develop offline. But neither succeeded. As I said, none of my classmates who have already entered the marriage think it is more important for two people to spend the past few months and spend time together than to earn a floor tile. For a period of time, Qianzhen was estranged from Yang Dongyang, and she complained to me a few times, saying whether Yang Dongyang was with Tao Chunguang, and why did he have a sales face? I said, Yang Dongyang is fascinated, and it will be fine after a while.

To everyone's surprise, I was the one who followed Yang Dongyang to the class in the end, and I still had a pair of thin and soft ears. One of Yang Dongyang's words that touched me is that this class will let you know what you really want. During that time, my old friend and I were living apart, and the old friend who renewed the contract once thought that his job was infallible. He procrastinated when he could procrastinate at work. Every weekend, he went to the mountains with a photography group to collect scenery, but he never failed. I asked him, and he said that he is the core figure of the group, and it is impossible not to go. I learned later that there was a deputy director of their TV station in this regiment. I went with them once, the deputy director had a new perm of wool, her face was red, and she laughed loudly. I accidentally stabbed my foot in her laughter, and the old man carried me to the car without saying a word. , turned around and chased after the large army. All day, I stared at a piece of bread, a marinated egg, and a bottle of mineral water, looking at my red and swollen ankles until I came back with them. The old man got into the car, and it seemed that he suddenly realized that I was also in the car. There was a hint of shame in his eyes, and it was this shame that made me feel ashamed. What exactly do I want?

In fact, when a naive Yang Dongyang led an equally naive me from Shijiazhuang West to Shijiazhuang East, which took nearly two hours by bus, it was doomed to be a futile journey. In addition to being as naive as Yang Dongyang, I am also pessimistic. However, I have no way to go back. Yang Dongyang led me to pay 5,000 yuan and a yellow T-shirt. The two of us went to the dormitory to change into this large yellow T-shirt and went to class for three days. The class is cloudy and foggy, and the group activities after class are nothing more than to enhance the relationship between students. At that time, there was no word "team building". Now think about it, those games, singing, and singing are also considered a kind of coaxing to play. Low-level "team building".

The most impressive thing is crying. It was the third night, more than 30 students of us were divided into groups, each group had a room, the door of the room was closed, the curtains were pulled tight, the lights were turned off, and everyone sat in their place and confided in their hearts. . Yes, the voice of the heart. What kind of voice? It is the voice that I dare not or cannot confide in with my relatives and friends. Yang Dongyang and I were not in the same group. The organizer specially arranged it so that acquaintances could not be in the same group. here we go. I sat in the corner, nervous, and hurriedly grabbed the water glass in my hand. I didn't expect that there would be such a link, and I didn't expect that I would be like a priest who wants to listen to the "heart" of others. No, all people are "priests", and all people are "repentant" people. really started. Identifying the direction, it was a voice from a corner opposite me, saying that I was abandoned by my parents when I was a child, and now although I force a smile in front of my parents, I can't forgive them in my heart... The man finished speaking and cried. Then, a voice from diagonally behind me said that when I was a child, I was sexually assaulted by a man in the same village. I didn't understand it at the time, but now my psychological barrier is getting bigger and bigger, so that I can't have any interest in men... After that, I cried a lot.

I felt that my hand holding the water glass was shaking more and more, so I dared to feel the darkness and quietly came out through the back door. Suddenly standing under the bright starry sky, I felt a little dizzy and my legs were a little weak, I just wanted to go home quickly. I calmed down and sent a text message to Yang Dongyang, saying that there was an urgent matter at home, so I left first, but Yang Dongyang didn't reply. After I went to the dormitory to pack my things, I took a taxi back by myself. I was the only student in that training class who did not get a certificate of completion. And according to Yang Dongyang, those students who got the certificate of completion later became teaching assistants and began to travel around the world to assist lecturers in classes. Yang Dongyang repeatedly took grievances on my behalf. I looked at her expression and wanted to ask what kind of "heart voice" she expressed at that group meeting, but I didn't ask.

Naturally, I did not understand what I really wanted through these three-day classes, and I failed to solve the problems between me and my old friend. For these, I would rather pretend to ignore it than reveal any "intentions". After going down the mountain that time, I crouched on one leg and moved to the study room on the pretext of staying up late to write a copy. Two days later, my old friend saw that I was not comfortable living in the study room, so he and I changed it. We rented a house, and the study room was only 8 square meters. I am very grateful to my fellow. Half a year later, our new house went down and went through a difficult stage of decoration. When we actually moved in, Laotong and I looked at each other like a dream. We could not help but lie down on the Simmons in the master bedroom. Love.

A few days later, I invited students from Shijiazhuang to warm up the house, and both Yang Dongyang and Tao Chunguang came. Tao Chunguang praised our new house, and Yang Dongyang also helped, but he was a little absent-minded. During dinner, some of my classmates who were about to get the keys to the new house asked about the renovation cost of our house. I put down my chopsticks and went to get the ledger. One is actually saving money, and I am pleased to tell them which one I have saved with my discerning eye. We were talking lively, only to hear Yang Dongyang suddenly say, how did you all become like this? ! We stopped and stared blankly at the plate of fried pork with celery and lily that was empty in front of her. Seeing this, Tao Chunguang quickly pushed the plate of spicy chicken in front of him to Yang Dongyang and said, eat yours. Yang Dongyang glanced at Tao Chunguang and said, do you think life is only a house?

Provoked this ancestor again. When I was in college, I often provoke this ancestor out of my own strength, and it was not good to provoke her. I quickly put down the ledger, and the rest of the classmates also sat in their original seats, focusing on the dishes in front of me.

However, it's too late. Yang Dongyang didn't eat it, he took a pair of chopsticks and told us a simple story. That story was told by my teacher in the "Family System Arrangement" class with Yang Dongyang. At that time, I didn't know that it originated from a famous American writer. Trevor, did not know that the story has a name, called "children's play." It is said that there is a pair of reorganized families, each with a child born from the last marriage. These two children live in the attic and play games every day, imitating the scene of their mother cheating with the current stepfather, or imitating their father and the current stepfather. Stepmom dating scene. Yang Dongyang looked at us and said that children's games will become adults' games in the future. I don't know why she said this when we were all eating, maybe we shouldn't be discussing the new house decoration in front of her and Tao Chunguang just now. We were a little overwhelmed, Lizi couldn't hold back, and said yin and yang strangely, Yang Dongyang, you can have both house and love, you and Chunguang have already sang and married, let us who are frustrated in love look forward to our house.

Yang Dongyang was stunned for a moment, and said, I didn't mean that... I mean, I've seen a statistic that the divorce rate is getting higher and higher, and even 20% of couples who are still married have a very good life. Unhappy, you can't all live in high-rise buildings, all drive Mercedes-Benz BMWs, but your heart is like a sieve...

Chestnut said, who looks like a sieve? We all look good, okay?

The innocent expression on Lizi's face must have stinged Yang Dongyang. Yang Dongyang only said that sentence in public. You and your old Xu have been separated for more than half a year, so don't hide it. I think you have to think about it, this is no small matter...

Chestnut slammed his chopsticks, stood up too quickly, brought the table, and the juice of a plate of fish dripped down the table and onto the tablecloth with blue flowers on a white background that I bought.

At this time, Tao Chunguang had already passed two people and stood in front of Yang Dongyang. Yang Dongyang looked regretful, but it was too late. Chestnut throws a word to Yang Dongyang, even if I divorce our old Xu, it will not be your turn to intervene! You'd better take care of yourself first. There are five or six people all day long, and you don't look at yourself in the mirror. Who is better than you in this room?

Chestnut slammed the door away.

A good meal, just so mixed up. When everyone left, their faces were embarrassed.

In the evening, after tidying up the kitchen, I worriedly told Lao Tong that Lizi's words were not only to Yang Dongyang, but also to Tao Chunguang. Tao Chunguang's advertising company can't live or die, and can't make a lot of money. When the two of them go back, they will definitely have a big fight. The old fellow said, it's okay to be noisy, and it's okay to quarrel with someone who understands. I said, what understand people? Old Tong said, can you say chestnut is wrong? I said, chestnuts are right. Feelings are the hardest to grasp, so at this time grasp something else, of course it's right. My eyes were blank, and I sneered in my heart. Lao Tong said that he was afraid that if Tao Chunguang understood, Yang Dongyang would not understand either. I want to say, I am afraid that if Yang Dongyang understands, you will not understand either. What she said was, yes, Yang Dongyang has lived in her own world all her life, she would not understand.

Sure enough, my old friend and I guessed right. After returning from our house, Yang Dongyang and Tao Chunguang had a big quarrel. As a result, Tao Chunguang closed down the small advertising company and went to sell cement to another classmate of ours who had a lot of money and opened a cement factory. In those years, people who have worked in sales always feel that their chance to get rich overnight is in buying and selling, but they don’t know that they have lost three years in their hands, and after three years, who can guarantee that the market will remain the same as before?

I don't know if Tao Chunguang's turbulent life caused the ups and downs of their family. After a long time, I learned that their family started to have a small noise for three days and a big noise for five days. At this time, they no longer let me, an old classmate, to be their mediator. Maybe it's because I moved into a new home and I'm far away from them; maybe it's because I live in a new home and I'm not suitable for them anymore. mediated.

All I know is that more than a year later, Yang Dongyang suddenly gave up his job in the publishing house. This is news that shocked us all. In those few years, although the publishing house also began to decline, but the shelf is still there, "a dead skinny camel is bigger than a horse", how can you give up when you give up? Yang Dongyang explained to us that the publishing house is classified as an enterprise, and each employee must pay a sum of money to continue to work. It’s not that she can’t afford the money, she just thinks that she can’t accept this method, and she has to resign. What do you mean by "the way is unacceptable"? At that time, several of our classmates worked in the pharmaceutical factory, and all of them raised money—collecting money to work, although it sounds unconventional, but everyone who wanted to have a stable job reluctantly took out the money from their wallets. . Many years later, college graduates will spend hundreds of thousands of public relations fees to enter a state-owned enterprise, or, many colleges and universities themselves have set up "order training". Turn it over to the company, and after three years, the company will arrange a job for you. Why can't Yang Dongyang recognize the situation, "the way can't be accepted", what does she want? Did she find a way out for herself?

Later, we heard the news from Tao Chunguang that Yang Dongyang chose a path, but whether it was a retreat or a dangerous way forward, we couldn't tell, because Yang Dongyang's decision was beyond our imagination, and she had to take a psychological test. Consultant.

Tao Chunguang said that when he first heard Yang Dongyang said that he was going to be a psychologist, he still thought it was a good thing. The psychologist is formal and the state issues a certificate. To be honest, he didn't like Yang Dongyang going all over the place to learn about "family system arrangement" and "traditional culture" courses, and he didn't like her to be a teaching assistant, let alone what she did for public welfare. He once said to us that if he has the intention, it would be good to see his mother a few times more. Yang Dongyang was not convinced and quarreled with him, saying, "My mother is taken care of, so I can't go see someone else's mother?" Tao Chunguang pouted and ignored her. And now, Yang Dongyang is going to take the course of a psychologist seriously. In Tao Chunguang's imagination, Yang Dongyang is nothing more than using his spare time to learn. After two years, she will also accept her heart, and she will not delay anything. Who knows, when he comes back from a business trip next time, he finds that Yang Dongyang has resigned and started thinking about a psychologist like a primary school student at home.

I remember that it was a dinner party organized by Tao Chunguang. There were me and Qianzhen, not Lizi. Qianzhen and I whispered, if it was a dinner party organized by Yang Dongyang, it would definitely be called Lizi. In my house, although it was Yang Dongyang He was arguing with Lizi, but Yang Dongyang didn't take it to heart, it was Tao Chunguang who cared about it. In some occasions such as class reunions, Tao Chunguang's eyes at Lizi convinced us of this. At that dinner, Tao Chunguang's purpose was probably to show us how unreliable, capricious and innocent Yang Dongyang was. Yang Dongyang did not admit that she was unreliable, willful and naive. She pointed to Tao Chunguang and said that he came home every day and gave me a bad face. If I don't want to improve our relationship, should we divorce? That was the first time Yang Dongyang spoke directly to some of our classmates about their marital relationship. I remember when Yang Dongyang went to the "Family System Arrangement" class five or six years ago, he also said that it was to improve his relationship with Tao Chunguang, but that At that time, she only covered it for a while. Tao Chunguang suddenly stood up from the table and said, you have to work hard, how can I give you a stinky face?

We quickly pushed Tao Chunguang down. The meal was a tough one. Later, Tao Chunguang left early. As soon as Tao Chunguang left, Yang Dongyang sighed, and we all fell silent. For a while, we didn’t know what to say. Later, it was Yang Dongyang who spoke first. She told us about the psychological counseling she was studying, Freud, Jung, etc. She said that there are still A world we don't know. The world we don't know has its own set of laws, and she likes to live by those laws. Tao Chunguang doesn't understand, and she doesn't expect him to understand, but she can use these rules to let Tao Chunguang live a happy life with her. We felt that we understood what Yang Dongyang said, but we felt that we did not understand. Seeing that we didn't respond to her words, Yang Dongyang took a step back and said, "The most basic thing is, don't talk about the world, the rules are, in a family, there must be love."

我们哑然失笑，我们都已经进入婚姻多年，可我们都不再提起什么爱不爱的，我们知道爱情和岁月是天敌，我们才不要拿爱情这只卵去击岁月这块石头，生活中比这重要的事情多了。我和老仝，住到新家之后，更有条件分居了，我们这个居分得顺理成章，谁也没有异议，谁也没有不舒服。文案越写越没劲，我转了行，开始写剧本，他最热衷的还是周末和摄影团去山上拍照，载不载副台长，我没有兴趣知道。我的网恋发生在一个漂流瓶上。多年以后，我读到一个作家写的小说，说每个人都要在漂流瓶里装点什么，才能让漂流瓶漂走，他不知道装什么，就装上了自己的灵魂，然后他还要装作灵魂还在的样子回家，他不知道自己能假装多久。看完那个小说，我很想钻进书里告诉主人公，其实，想装多久就能装多久，没有人能看出你有没有灵魂，如果你自己不在意的话。我那个漂流瓶里装的是什么，我早忘了，可能并不是那个主人公所说的灵魂，因为我不确定自己的灵魂在哪里，是什么模样，如果我能找到它，我自己会万分珍惜，也不会把它放入漂流瓶中，但仍然有个人捡起了我的漂流瓶，一来二去，我们竟然网恋了。我们也奔了现，像所有网恋的人一样，我虽然对现实中的那个男人有些隔膜，但还是坚持做完了奔现应该做的事情。不过，在做那个事情的时候，我脑子里闪现的是网恋时他跟我在网上说的话，唱给我的歌。我们网恋了三年。人家说，这种事有瘾。果然，奔现一次后，那个男人过段时间就约我，我却再也不想应约了，就百般搪塞，但我竟然不想拉黑他。千珍说我叶公好龙，我辩解说不喜欢在宾馆的那种感觉。然后，我脑子里突然灵光乍现，说，我要是有自己的一套小公寓就好了，可以让那个男人隔段时间来一次。千珍支持我的想法，说女人就是应该有一套自己的独立住房。我们越说越高兴，第二天就兴兴头头去看公寓，那时候，千珍还没有离婚，我并不知道她这种劲头其实也与她要脱离她的婚姻有关，她和她丈夫的婚姻没什么大起大落，在我们看来还是很不错的，可千珍经常说鞋子舒服不舒服，只有脚知道，对我从漂流瓶上找了个情人这件事，她不反感，竟然还有些羡慕，说自己就没这个好运气。

Only Yang Dongyang dared to hit a stone with an egg.

The truth is, Yang Dongyang is completely caught in a paradox. Neither she nor Tao Chunguang could convince anyone. For more than half a year, Tao Chunguang left Yang Dongyang to fend for himself. He went on business trips and made money madly. Every time he came home, Yang Dongyang greeted him with a calm and gentle smile. No matter how Tao Chunguang roared, Yang Dongyang would not care. She kept the house in good order, she educated her children to be sensible, and she used these to make a silent confrontation with Tao Chunguang's eagerness. It was not until a long time later that I heard that Tao Chunguang at that stage had thought about divorce from Yang Dongyang more than once, and also mentioned that he had even written a divorce agreement, but Yang Dongyang used his "goodness" to stop all this.

Tao Chunguang gave in. This let, is the sea and the sky.

However, neither Yang Dongyang nor Tao Chunguang thought that this psychological counseling would last for six years. In the past six years, not only did Yang Dongyang not earn a penny, but he also needed a steady stream of money from his family. Yes, there is a steady stream. They have never seen so much money for learning something, training fees, internship fees, textbook fees, exam fees, it's endless, it seems that this psychologist is piled up by money. In the past six years, some of our classmates have bought a second house, and Yang Dongyang and Tao Chunguang are still living in the rented house. It was also bad luck. In the third year of Tao Chunguang's sales, due to environmental protection reasons, the cement industry was going from bad to worse. The cement factories around Shijiazhuang were closed. ". We later analyzed that our two classmates and husbands, Yang Dongyang and Tao Chunguang, who did not buy a house in Shijiazhuang, one was too fretful and frequently changed jobs, and the other was too persistent and held on tight. Qianzhen had different opinions, saying that one of them was too spiritual and the other was too material.

What is Yang Dongyang guarding? It wasn't until later that Yang Dongyang became famous. Once, we were invited to listen to Yang Dongyang's class, and we heard Yang Dongyang tell about her difficult experience of self-studying by herself. She said that she was 37 years old to learn a new subject. Science, because she herself has always been a watchman, what she is watching is love, and she firmly believes that only love can make life better. Like being poured a mouthful of greasy chicken soup at the scene, we were all grinning, but the audience next to us was very excited and slapped the mountains loudly.

After Yang Dongyang became famous, more and more visitors came to her for consultation. Qi Rui Education specially assigned a person to sit outside her office, sat on a chair, issued a number, and she went outside. Going to the acupoint, the banknotes are like arrowheads, jumping into her arms. What about Tao Chunguang at this time? It's time to regret his contempt for Yang Dongyang over the years, but maybe Yang Dongyang never took it lightly. A joke about "flowers and cabbage" by Ms. Yang Dongyang, a well-known psychological consultant in Shijiazhuang, began to circulate at this time. In fact, this joke is not new, but it is so strange to say it from Yang Dongyang's mouth. She said that on Valentine's Day that year, she looked at her husband who didn't make any movement, and had to imply that today was Valentine's Day. The husband suddenly realized, and said, I'm going out to buy flowers for you, women, don't you just like these fake heads? Stupid stuff. He went happily, she was full of expectations at home, and cleaned a small pot belly bottle. She estimated that he would not buy a large bouquet of flowers, but he would still buy a few flowers and put them in the small bottle. It's just right. Unexpectedly, when the doorbell rang, she opened the door. Her husband was carrying a huge cabbage on his shoulder and looked at her with a smile. She asked, what did you buy? Only then did my husband feel relieved, and said that when he saw the cabbage, he forgot what to buy. He likes to eat large pot of vegetables. At noon that day, they boiled a large pot of cabbage and tofu. The audience below burst into laughter. Yang Dongyang had a kind of gentleness on his face, and said, "This is the real thing, it's really not a joke. I suspect that those jokes on the Internet are adapted from this real incident in my family. The audience is still laughing. Yang Dongyang said, what can I do in the face of such a husband? I can only do experiments on him, he is my guinea pig. And, I tell you, the experiment was successful. First of all, he would buy flowers for me, even during festivals; second, he... Qianzhen and I did not finish listening to Yang Dongyang's eloquent talk, and came out quietly from the back door.

Is Yang Dongyang talking about Tao Chunguang?

Yang Dongyang, who became a famous psychologist, has his past become so full of joy? However, one thing is true. From the beginning to the present, Yang Dongyang has never stopped loving Tao Chunguang. So, with this kind of love, looking back, how many past experiences are full of joy, right?

Of course, Yang Dongyang and Tao Chunguang want to improve their family's living conditions. After looking at the house for a period of time, they bought a set of more than 150 square meters with four bedrooms and two living rooms. The living room is very large, but it is not a living room in the general sense. Sunshine Building". Yang Dongyang's official public account has also become "Sunshine Affair", this name made me dazed for a long time, and only Yang Dongyang can do it under "Sunshine". On the day of the housewarming, a few of our classmates had dinner and sat for a while in Yang Dongyang's studio called "Sunshine Xiaozhu", a log workbench with computers and books on it, and a vase on one side. There was a bunch of black beauties, a log bookcase, a dozen stools, and a large sand table on the balcony. Yang Dongyang pointed at the sand table and let us swing it. She said that we can see the lack of our personality according to the shape we pose. Missing personality? Yang Dongyang's words reminded me of the last part of the "Family System Arrangement" class that I went with her many years ago. scenario. I quietly exited from the sand table and went to chat with Tao Chunguang.

On the way back, I joined the chat with my classmates. Those classmates who set up the sand table paid homage to Yang Dongyang and said, "I can't see it. The unconsciousness of people is actually highlighting their own consciousness all the time. Yang Dongyang is amazing. Qianzhen has different opinions and said that what I admire most about Yang Dongyang is "believe", she is better than a "belief", she believes that there is a world that operates with different laws, believe in love, look, it is this "believe". ”, giving her the life we ​​all envy now.

I said, believe? I also believed before, I believed what I saw with my eyes, and I believed what I felt in my heart. Later, I don't believe it anymore.

Qian Zhen said, I don't believe it anymore. Can't believe it. However, Yang Dongyang believed it. Therefore, Yang Dongyang is a rare species.

Everyone started to agree, and then they were amazed. For so many years, Yang Dongyang has been focusing on studying, on things that we think are completely useless, and on repairing the rift between husband and wife. She really believes in love. Yes, love. Once this word is uttered, it seems fake, but when it is associated with Yang Dongyang, it has a sacred luster for no reason.

When I got home, my heart twitched unexpectedly when I saw that my old friend was concentrating on helping the female group friends to retouch pictures. He pulled back their overflowing cheeks little by little, and gave them a lip color of cinnabar orange or plum red. He knows more about lipstick shades than I do. I saw him chatting with the female group friends, saying that the complexion like the deputy director is more suitable for luck. Lucky? It's really a good term. I heard that the deputy director is about to be promoted to the main director. Before that, I would immediately turn around and go back to my bedroom, but that day, I really wanted to tell my old friend about Yang Dongyang's belief - "love", I was sitting on the sofa, my heart was bulging, my eyes were inexplicably sour . But the old classmate took too long to do pictures. After half an hour, I lost interest. I went back to my bedroom and chatted with people in the screenwriting circle. After chatting, I didn't think about anything. Later, I thought, maybe I was too pessimistic, and Yang Dongyang, on the road of maintaining love, is like a fighter.

Qianzhen is probably the same as me. It was her own idea to end this muddled marriage, not discussed with any of us. After leaving, she told us that if she told us in advance, she might not be able to leave. She said just let her be willful for a while. After the divorce, she thinks she has become a "girl" again. She changes boyfriends every three days and treats men as consumer goods. Otherwise, how can I sit face-to-face with her on the high-speed train, rush to Beijing, and play some shit. the blocking needle?

Or seriously fall in love, and then get married again. I say.

Not over. Qianzhen said.

This Saturday, let's see if Yang Dongyang is busy. If he is not busy, he will come back from Beijing in the afternoon and we will have dinner together. What do you think? I digress.

Qianzhen nodded.

I contacted Yang Dongyang in the "threesome" group and asked her if she was free to have dinner together at night. Yang Dongyang replied quickly, saying that she was free, and after a while, sent the hotel room number to the "threesome" group. After Yang Dongyang became famous, she was very busy, and it was not easy to make an appointment. Even if we made an appointment, the restaurant would be booked by us. This time, the appointment went so smoothly. She even booked the restaurant herself. Qianzhen and I are not used to it. There was a faint feeling in my heart that something was wrong, and I couldn't tell what was wrong.

Four

After accompany Qianzhen to get the blocking needle, let's go to the concert. It is very good to play Mendelssohn's piano pieces. When we entered the venue, we saw an 80-year-old woman getting out of a car, wearing a wide-brimmed hat, delicate makeup, an elegant silk skirt, and a pair of soft high-heeled feet. Leather shoes with diamonds, sitting on our side. While listening to the performance, I turned my head from time to time and looked at the old woman. The old woman listened intently, the corners of her mouth were pursed, and the muscles in her neck were stretched, like an oil painting. When we came out, Qianzhen and I stood at the door, waiting to see her. She walked out of the crowd gracefully, walked to the bottom of the steps, stood tall and straight, and waited for the car. A car came over and picked her up. gone. Qian Zhen waited for a long time before taking my arm. We have also thought of living as a graceful old woman.

After getting off the high-speed train on the return journey, Qianzhen and I went directly to Yang Dongyang's small cattle restaurant. It was still early. We drank a glass of lemonade and waited for Yang Dongyang. I glanced at the elevator outside the door from time to time, hoping that Yang Dongyang's figure would appear sooner.

Yang Dongyang came late, his face was not very good, and he looked very tired.

We all thought that Yang Dongyang was too tired in class, or that there were too many customers who came to consult. After a few chats, we realized that Yang Dongyang was not educated by Qi Rui, and she had not been to Qi Rui much for half a month. Go to work.

What's the matter, what happened? Qianzhen and I were both anxious.

Tao Chunguang is ill. Yang Dongyang smiled sadly.

What disease?

liver.

A single word for "liver" made Qianzhen and I tremble with fear. One of our classmates has died of lung cancer. If it is hepatitis, even if it is cirrhosis, he can say two or three words, not just one word.

What happened to the liver? I asked cautiously.

cancer.

There is no way to describe the change in the air around us after this other word was spit out. The two single words seemed to spread endless dander, flying above our heads. We were all stunned, and no one could speak.

late. has spread. The doctor said it would take more than half a year. Yang Dongyang burst into tears.

I figured it out in my mind. This is the fifth year that Yang Dongyang has been hired by Qi Rui as the chief psychological counselor, and the third year that Yang Dongyang and Tao Chunguang have lived in a new house. I can still remember the scene of going to their house's conservatory. At that time, Tao Chunguang still had a bright smile on his face. It's really fate that tricks people, but in the blink of an eye, time and space have changed.

Does Yaya know? Qianzhen asked. Yaya is their daughter, and they were sent to study in the UK half a year ago.

I don't know yet, but sooner or later we will have to know. Yang Dongyang said.

Wherever they went, 301, Xiehe, all said they found it too late. I really hope this is all just a nightmare. Yang Dongyang's voice was steep and fluttering, and I felt like I couldn't hold it anymore. Really, I can't stand it without telling you. But Chunguang won't let me tell our classmates, no one is allowed to tell.

I sat down on Yang Dongyang's side and hugged her shoulder, her small shoulder twitched violently.

Chunguang doesn't even know that I'm here to eat with you. I told him to come out and buy something and his sister is now at our house looking after him. Yang Dongyang wiped his tears, broke free from my arms, and said, I'm fine, my tears have dried up these days. Now, I'm the backbone of a big family, and I can't go down. Chunguang is not willing to face it, but sooner or later we have to face it, each of us has to face it sooner or later, you say, right?

We were still stunned, not knowing what Yang Dongyang meant by "face", but we all nodded hurriedly.

I won't be able to eat with you often in the future. Yang Dongyang said that, except for the big class that had been reserved long ago, which could not be pushed, I pushed Qi Rui's class away. I want to spend all my time with him. I want his last days to be better. After a pause, she said again, fortunately I am a psychologist, I have the ability to make my dearest and most loved people have a better last time.

What about the "flower and fruit tree"? In a daze, I blurted out stupidly.

There is a public welfare, and what should be done must be done. Yang Dongyang said, I just didn't expect that I have done so much hospice care, and now it's my turn to do it for my dearest and most beloved husband. Yang Dongyang raised his tear-dappled face.

I suddenly remembered the white wall covered with flowers on the "Flower and Fruit Tree". Tao Chunguang is no longer a child. His name will not be written on the wall, but the name "Tao Chunguang" will also be a name comforted by Yang Dongyang. . I don't know why, every time I think about this, I feel very sad, and I think of the "Family System Arrangement" class that made people feel "inner voice". If I hadn't escaped, if I had been I'm sure I'll tell them about it.

I think it's more saddening than anything they've said.

five

Loving couples do not end. Qianzhen voice chatted with me at night, sighing again and again. We discussed to visit Tao Chunguang. Tao Chunguang didn't want her classmates to see him. Yang Dongyang wanted to. Maybe this is the "face" that Yang Dongyang mentioned when eating with us. She hopes to use some external forces to allow Tao Chunguang to "face" herself." Facing the "life" that is about to die. Moreover, Tao Chunguang is our classmate after all, we really want to see his current state.

We bought a large bunch of daffodils and carnations, a fruit basket, and two nutritional powders. Along the way, we were all apprehensive, afraid that the two of us would not know what to say while standing in front of Tao Chunguang's hospital bed. Both parties will be embarrassed, and Tao Chunguang is right that he doesn't want to see his classmates and friends. This embarrassment may make him more uncomfortable than the pain, but we still go. Fortunately, there is still a patient in Tao Chunguang's ward, and there are many others. Qianzhen and I are standing among those people, and it seems that there is still a little place to stand. Tao Chunguang is very thin. According to Yang Dongyang, he found something wrong with Tao Chunguang because of his "thinness". Tao Chunguang has a thin waist and a narrow back, but has a narrow butt that does not match his figure. This is Yang Dongyang's dissatisfaction. where, suddenly one day she found that his butt was narrower and smaller, and his shoulders and back were thinner, so she urged him to do a CT scan, and the result came out, malignant tumor. Now, Tao Chunguang's face is also narrow and pointed, and his eye sockets are sunken. However, his spirit is still good. The proof of his good spirit is that his eyes are sharp, even cold, and he raised his eyes. Glancing at us, he smiled quickly and said, Yang Dongyang never listens to me, you still know.

We are very embarrassed, Qianzhen muttered, don't blame Dongyang, Chunguang, you still have to calm down and take good treatment.

Tao Chunguang raised his eyes again, but instead of looking at us, he looked around and said, "Where's Yang Dongyang?

I said, went to the nurse's station to find the bottle. I held up the flowers in my hand.

Tao Chunguang said, thank you. However, flowers are not allowed in the ward for fear of bacteria. You'd better leave the nurse's station.

It was the first time I heard this, and I looked at the daffodils and carnations wrapped in red plastic wrapping in disbelief. They were blooming brilliantly, but it was a quiet splendor that did not follow the branches. Same. Just listen to Tao Chunguang say, let Yang Dongyang accompany you, I will lie down for a while. After speaking, he turned around and lay down, with a pointed back to us.

We stood silently for a while and came out. I remembered the famous story about "flowers and cabbage" that Yang Dongyang told between her and Tao Chunguang. Did Tao Chunguang not like the bunch of flowers we brought? But isn't it necessary to bring a large bouquet of flowers to visit patients? Qianzhen couldn't answer my question, and she was puzzled. We walked to the nurse's station one after the other.

As a result, the bunch of daffodils and carnations were put in a bottle and placed on the super-long workbench at the nurse's station. The nurses liked it very much. Everyone who came and went had to come and smell it.

We didn't go back to the ward again, intuition that Tao Chunguang didn't want to see us again. Standing in the corridor outside the ward with Yang Dongyang, Yang Dongyang said, "Look, it's like this. You are gone, you have to fire with me.

I said, if he doesn't want to see his classmates, just don't see him, just listen to him.

Yang Dongyang said that he won't be able to see him when he wants to. I have to go through the last period without regrets for him. Besides, once a person is autistic, the body will also be affected, which is not good for the disease.

Qianzhen looked at me and wanted to say something, but didn't say anything.

Yang Dongyang took out his mobile phone, showed us the memo, and said, look, I helped him make a bucket list. What he said, I remember. One of them is saying goodbye to classmates and friends. Qianzhen looked down, and I saw it too. One was to go to Yunnan to find the old Chinese doctor who had cured many cancers; the other was to live in a small town called Mingyueshan in Jiangxi for the first half of the year, and I heard that there are selenium-rich water there It's very good for people's health; one is to join a local cancer organization... I can't bear to see it in my heart, where is this bucket list, this is a life-saving list. It wasn't until later that I saw that one was going to France with my daughter; one was going to the graves of my parents; one was drinking a bottle of Maotai in 1985; one was saying goodbye to my classmates and friends...

I murmured, respect Tao Chunguang's opinion, take your time.

Yang Dongyang pressed the elevator for us and said, I know. Maybe after we finish these lists one by one, Chunguang's illness will be cured. At the end of the sentence, it was already choked up.

The elevator came, Qianzhen and I staggered into the elevator, the elevator space is small, Yang Dongyang's words continued to ring in my ears. I have to say that as a psychologist, Yang Dongyang is still very strong in her heart. She is struggling on the basis of accepting that her lover will die, which makes her look professionally cold, but this has What's wrong? There's nothing wrong with it, of course, but I still feel a biting desolation. The elevator stopped suddenly.

When I got out of the elevator, I saw the sunshine all over the sky, I smiled to myself in my heart, what's the point?

six

At the dinner table, a WeChat voice rang. It was the agent who bought the apartment. Two months ago, I finally bought an apartment, using the money I've saved over the years, and of course, with only a down payment. After the apartment was simply furnished, I invited Qianzhen to have dinner. Qianzhen teased me that there is a place for a date with a lover. I smiled wryly, I didn't tell my lover I bought an apartment, and I wouldn't let him come here. After I got this apartment, I stood by the window and looked out, my mind was as calm as water. From then on, every two weeks, I told my old friend that I would go on a business trip, and then I went to live in the apartment for two days by myself. It was a wonderful time. I played the piano, cooked, watched dramas, and looked at the sea of ​​flowers outside through the window for a long time. Then, on a free night, I blocked the phone and WeChat of the lover I picked from the drift bottle.

However, I haven't done the transfer of the apartment yet. The intermediary was very strange, saying that he had never seen me like this, and the buyer dragged him and did not handle the transfer. How did he know that I was hiding this apartment from my old friend. I glanced at my old friend, went to the bedroom to pick up the voice, and the agent told me that it is best to complete the transfer process this week, and the seller will go abroad next week. Back at the dinner table to eat again, the old fellow gave me a puzzled look, didn't ask me anything more, finished his meal in silence, and went to work.

I discussed with Qianzhen on WeChat. Qianzhen asked my old friend what he would think if he knew that I had bought an apartment without telling him. I said how would I know what he would think. Qianzhen said, will he find out about you and that person? I said, I hope he finds out, but unfortunately, I have broken up with him. Qianzhen was astonished, and then said, just divide it, you won't get anything from him. I said, got it. I remembered what Qianzhen said, that Yang Dongyang's happy life comes from "believing", and I felt a little bit, saying, maybe I still want to "believe" something, but there is a fog between the two sexes. It doesn't make any sense.

I asked Qianzhen if she still had contact with the person who caused her to go to Beijing to get the occlusion shot. Qianzhen said no, that person is not bad and can flirt well, but once the love is strong, it is easy to control Stay, it's too dangerous. I said that you should not elevate yourself, you are not love, you are desire. Qianzhen said, well, I am Yu. However, do you think people are pitiful or not? Or you are right just now, there is nothing to be attached to between the two sexes, this is a kind of nature, only Yang Dongyang...

Qianzhen pondered for a while, but did not speak.

After a while, Qianzhen said, yes, after get off work today, Yang Dongyang said that she would bring her furniture to my garage. If you are free, come over and let's have a meal together. I asked, what is Yang Dongyang doing? Why are you pulling furniture into your garage? I don't know, let's meet tonight. Qianzhen said.

That day, I got off work a little late. When I arrived at Qianzhen's house, it was already dark. Qianzhen told me to go directly to the garage. When I got to the garage, I saw Yang Dongyang wearing a T-shirt, instructing workers to unload furniture, a log workbench, a boss chair, a log bookcase, and several groups of student desks and chairs. It was all the belongings in Yang Dongyang's studio, almost filling up Qianzhen's underground garage.

The three of us went to eat, in a small restaurant opposite Qianzhen's house.

Yang Dongyang sat across from us, her face darkened and her eyes tired, she asked for pork ribs, corn and beef soup.

You can't eat nutritious food. Yang Dongyang said. When Yang Dongyang has something in her heart, she eats a lot. This is a habit she has had since she went to school. But this time, after taking a few bites, she took out her phone and said, "Tao Chunguang has revised the bucket list, and I remember it in the memo. She held the phone up to us, and neither Qianzhen nor I looked at it, only she continued to say, one of which was to move my studio out of the house.

Only then did we know that the studio named "Sunshine Xiaozhu", which integrated Yang Dongyang's "yang" and Tao Chunguang's "light", was banned by Tao Chunguang. We all widened our eyes. What happened to Tao Chunguang?

I do not know either. Yang Dongyang told us wistfully. She said that Tao Chunguang was in good spirits after leaving the hospital this time. He walked around the house every day. It could be seen that he liked this house very much, and he didn't want to leave it. He moved his reclining chair here. Move over there and look out from every angle. look outside? I asked. Look outside. Yang Dongyang said, "You don't know how heartbreaking a patient is when he looks out. I suffer from this emotion every day. You won't understand how I feel. After a while, Yang Dongyang continued. One day, Tao Chunguang looked outside and suddenly told me that he wanted to rearrange the living room of this house. I was surprised and said, this hall is my studio. He said, you don't work here anymore. When I'm gone, you are willing to arrange it back and arrange it back. I have nothing to say but listen to him.

Listen to him. Qianzhen choked up.

In fact, since he fell ill, I haven't held a class in the studio once, so I don't know what happened to him. Yang Dongyang said.

Listen to him. I say.

In the past few days, Tao Chunguang has ordered sofas, coffee tables, and TV cabinets from the Internet. They are all Chinese-style old elm furniture that he likes. The prices are not cheap. How long can he use them? However, these, I satisfied him.

Go to Yunnan, go to Mingyue Mountain, have you satisfied him? I remembered Tao Chunguang's bucket list that Yang Dongyang showed us last time.

He went to Yunnan, and the old Chinese medicine prescription was brought back. The traditional Chinese medicine he is taking now is prescribed according to the old Chinese medicine prescription. I also went to Mingyue Mountain, but I couldn't live there for a long time. After half a month, I had to undergo chemotherapy.

Yes, it must be treated properly. Qianzhen said.

Wishes have to be fulfilled, as long as it is his wish, I will be satisfied. Yang Dongyang said, he is the dearest and most loved person in my life. If I were to switch with him now, I wouldn't even blink an eye, let alone anything else.

If such a love vow is just a hypothesis, it is meaningless, but in a real situation, it is both sad and touching. But then, what Yang Dongyang said surprised me. Yang Dongyang took a few mouthfuls of vegetables, and when he raised his eyes again, his eyes became very scattered and said, but I always feel that something is wrong here, really, there must be. The place is not right.

what's wrong? I was dizzy and didn't know what Yang Dongyang was talking about for a while.

Tao Chunguang moved my studio out. There must be something wrong here, is he trying to get along with me? Yang Dongyang put down his chopsticks, stared straight at me and said, Tao Chunguang has changed. The muscles under her eyes trembled slightly, was he targeting my work, or was he targeting me?

Nothing was aimed at, he was just a patient. This time, Qian Zhen hurriedly sat down on Yang Dongyang's side and took her by the shoulders.

I was cleaning up the furniture in the living room just now, and I saw that a faucet on the balcony was leaking. When I installed this faucet, I thought I could use it occasionally, but after installing it, I didn't use it, and only accumulated debris in the sink. I just found out today that a layer of yellow scale has accumulated in that pool. Maybe it started leaking a long time ago, but it didn't leak quickly, and it took a long time to tick. If it was faster, maybe we would have noticed it long ago. Yang Dongyang said.

What faucet is leaking? Qianzhen and I were at a loss.

I asked Tao Chunguang if he knew the faucet was leaking, and Tao Chunguang didn't know either. None of us know. Not sure when it started leaking. Maybe from the day it was first installed. Yang Dongyang seemed stunned.

You say, has Tao Chunguang loved me? Yang Dongyang raised his face blurred with tears.

Of course, you are a model of love. Qianzhen said.

I felt a little sad for no reason. I was silent for a while, and I also sat over. The three of us sat in a booth, and in front of us was the meal that was barely touched. Qianzhen and I helped Yang Dongyang to recall together when we were in college, she The scene of falling in love with Tao Chunguang, including their ups and downs in the next 20 years, never gave up. Of course, this is only a part of what we have learned about the two of them. The bright smile that finally flashed on the screen makes us feel that even if there is part of it that we don't know, that part must be irrelevant, or even negligible.

I came home very late with a package of corn ribs. My old friend was already asleep. I sat on the sofa in the living room for a while, and went to the balcony to check the sink. The faucet was not leaking. The sink in the kitchen, The sink in the bathroom didn't leak, but I was lying on the bed, and for a long time, there was always a hallucinatory ticking sound in my ear, very slow and very light.

A few days later, in the "Three Walk" group, Yang Dongyang posted a photo, which was a selfie. The living room of her house was decorated like an ordinary family, with a TV wall and an LCD TV hanging on the wall. The sofa and a coffee table were all made of old elm wood, with the smell of wood. She and Tao Chunguang were sitting on the sofa, their heads were close together, but there was a fist distance between their shoulders. Bright, smiling, Tao Chunguang's face became bigger and shimmering, but the light was faintly yellow.

seven

When Chen Peisi and Yang Lixin's play "The Stage" was performed at the Shijiazhuang Grand Theater, Qianzhen invited me to watch it together. Before the show was over, she told me that her current boyfriend was waiting for her outside the theater and asked me if I wanted to have dinner with them. She also said that her boyfriend bought the tickets for the show. I wonder why this boyfriend didn't come in to see it, Qianzhen said, he doesn't like it, he's drinking tea at the mall. I thought about it and said, if I don't like watching it, I will buy you a good ticket and let you watch it with your friends, and I will take you seriously. Qianzhen said, what should be taken seriously or not, just count as one day after another.

Of course I didn't eat with them. However, the man seemed to be a true friend with Qianzhen, and he took me so seriously, he must take me home first. But when I think of having dinner with Laotong at night, I get a headache. It's been three days, if I don't tell Lao Tong about the apartment, I can't go through the transfer, but I don't know how I should tell Lao Tong, if I still talk to the guy who picked it from the drift bottle The lover is in touch, I can break the jar, anyway, Laotong also has so many female group friends and deputy director, but now, what should I say? I said, after a while, I want to live in that apartment by myself for two days?

On the way, I received a call from Yang Dongyang. There was something wrong with Yang Dongyang's voice. She said that Tao Chunguang's sister drove Tao Chunguang home to visit her parents' grave, and she was at home alone. I said, what do you want to eat? Or should I buy two ravioli? Yang Dongyang said, OK. I asked Qianzhen's boyfriend to turn around at the next intersection and go to Yang Dongyang's house.

Qianzhen only stayed at Yang Dongyang's house for ten minutes and left, her boyfriend was still waiting at the door. I sent Qianzhen away, and when I entered the door, I saw a large bouquet of flowers scattered on the shoe cabinet. what happened? Why don't you plug it in? I asked.

Yang Dongyang told me that Tao Chunguang's sister arrived this morning and drove Tao Chunguang to go to the grave in the afternoon, and would come back later. The two of them never took her to the grave, but now that Tao Chunguang's body is like this, she thinks she should go with her, but Tao Chunguang won't let her go, saying that his sister will take good care of him. That's fine, she ordered them a bunch of flowers from the Internet. In the past, when their sisters went to the grave, she also ordered flowers. When they were about to leave, the flowers also arrived, she brought them to the car, Tao Chunguang looked at the flowers, and suddenly threw them out of the car window.

Don't you like flowers? You keep it. My father and mother don't like it. Tao Chunguang said, not looking at her.

She picked up the bunch of flowers from the ground, didn't know where to put them, and put them on the shoe cabinet, together with a bunch of shoes.

I'm so tired. Yang Dongyang said.

is tired. I honestly say, I don't know why I'm so tired.

When will the child come back? I asked.

next month. Children's learning should not be delayed. Yang Dongyang said.

I cooked two sets of wontons and brought them to the dining table. Yang Dongyang's home, kitchen, dining room and living room were on the same line. I sat at the dining table and saw the new living room decorated by Tao Chunguang. It was indeed a simple and elegant feeling. So, shouldn't Yang Dongyang have arranged the living room as a studio from the very beginning?

You are a screenwriter, you help me analyze, why did Tao Chunguang become like this? Yang Dongyang was not in the mood to eat, she was still stuck in this sudden problem and couldn't come out. When she spoke, the order was reversed and her logic was confused. His white blood cells are low. After the chemotherapy this time, his condition is very bad. He has to keep it. When the white blood cells come up, he can undergo chemotherapy again. However, this is not the reason why he became like this. What the hell happened, he suddenly became like this?

A person, life is about to end, it will change. Besides, didn't he just throw a bunch of flowers? What's the big deal?

I suddenly remembered the famous story about "flowers and cabbage" that happened in their house that Yang Dongyang told in the class of thousands of people. Still there, scattered, with an air of being left out. Tao Chunguang also knows the story of "flowers and cabbage"? Yang Dongyang not only took this as an example in class, but also took this as an example in class reunions. What she wanted to convey was that Tao Chunguang didn't know love before, but after her training as a psychologist, she now understands. .

Maybe not understand. Idealists fail everywhere.

Yang Dongyang told me that it wasn't the illness that changed Tao Chunguang, she didn't think so. She said that during this time, Tao Chunguang was very impatient with her. She said that he didn't like to eat the food I made, he said he wanted to eat the weird-flavored beans that his mother fried, and he also disliked my weak hands, and said that when I massaged his waist, it was like tickling, and he said that he The worst failure in his life is not earning money. If he earns more money, he will hire a nanny to serve him. Anyway, I have never been able to take care of people...I can't cook or take care of people, but spiritual comfort is not enough. Is it caring? I suddenly felt that I was not worth all these years. Yang Dongyang burst into tears.

Before I finished the bowl of wontons, Yang Dongyang took me to the kitchen and opened a piece of cloth, which contained foamed peanuts, broad beans, and cashews. Yang Dongyang said, I am also learning to do it, but I can't do it well. I said, I have forgotten the steps that Chunguang taught me back then, we can only check it from the Internet. I opened the "down kitchen", looked at the steps a little bit, and searched from memory, there was nothing similar, I shook my head, we could only try it, maybe we simply couldn't make the taste he was used to. It is also possible that even if his mother were to die again, he would never be able to make the taste he was used to. His sense of taste had stayed at the moment he was a child, and all the external factors had changed.

After making a plate of strange-flavored beans, put it on the dining table with a grating, and drank another cup of tea, Tao Chunguang's sister called and said that they were on their way back. Come back, it was delicious. I say. When I went out, I saw the bunch of flowers on the shoe cabinet again. It was lily and yellow bellflower. I thought about it and said, I'll take it away.

Yang Dongyang said, no, Tao Chunguang asked me to keep it, but I wanted to see what he meant... I said, are you stupid? He is a patient. I couldn't help but say that when I went to get that bunch of flowers, Yang Dongyang grabbed my hand. I had no choice but to go out and pressed the elevator.

Yang Dongyang stood at the elevator entrance and said, I have class tomorrow, I really don't know how to take this class.

What does this have to do with your class? I asked.

You think it's okay, but it actually does. Yang Dongyang said.

Yang Dongyang's words were ambiguous, and I didn't ask any more questions. To be honest, I was a little afraid of meeting Tao Chunguang in the elevator or at the gate of the community. I didn't know what to say. I quickly got into the elevator, let out a long breath, and felt at a loss for a while.

Sitting in the taxi, I called Qianzhen and asked her to accompany me to attend Yang Dongyang's class tomorrow. Qianzhen said she would not go. I said that when you were in Beijing, you said you would listen to Yang Dongyang's class later. Qianzhen said, this time and another time. I have no choice but to say, I have gone to the drama with you today, and you must accompany me tomorrow. Qian Zhen had no choice but to agree. I paused, and added another sentence, saying, cherish it, you must cherish it. Qianzhen smiled and said, "You are more and more like Yang Dongyang, the gods and gods." Putting down the phone, I was also puzzled. I didn't know what to make Qianzhen cherish, whether to cherish the good spring, or a relationship, or even the man beside me who couldn't even understand the drama?

Eight

The next day was Saturday, and I rushed to the lecture hall of Communication University early in the morning. Information about Yang Dongyang's class is available online. Qianzhen stepped on the spot, and the two of us sat at the back, not very conspicuous. However, we heard Yang Dongyang say that sitting on the stage, she can see the people below, and she can see where we are sitting. Beforehand, I didn't tell Yang Dongyang that Qianzhen and I were coming to listen to her lecture. I thought that Yang Dongyang would feel warm when he saw us sitting below unexpectedly.

Qianzhen has neat hair on the temples, and her makeup is neither too thick nor too light, which is very decent. However, she is still wearing yesterday's dress. It seems that she didn't go home yesterday and went to open a room with her boyfriend. But it is estimated that the love is not so strong, or that the desire is not so strong, and there is no need to go to Beijing to get a 72-hour blocking shot.

Yang Dongyang started to talk. I listened carefully, but I didn't think it was very interesting. He was talking about "idealized empathy", which is to rely on a powerful idealized object to meet his emotional requirements. I think I understand a little bit. I feel like I don't really understand. Where in the world is there truly idealized empathy? Qianzhen didn't listen much, and kept looking at her phone. In the question-and-answer session, some students still asked how Yang Dongyang became a psychologist. As usual, Yang Dongyang said that at the beginning, she just wanted to manage her family well. She is a person who believes in love, and later she fell in love with this line of work. . Compared with her previous joke about her and Tao Chunguang's "flowers and cabbage", her answer today was dry and featureless, and the enthusiasm of the audience below was not brought up. Maybe it's not enough, someone asked, that Mr. Yang and your husband have always had a good relationship, right? Yang Dongyang smiled slightly, of course. Her smile was determined, natural, and kind, exactly the same as the smile she appeared on TV.

At the end of the class, many students took a group photo with Yang Dongyang, and a little girl ran up to bring her flowers. It should be arranged by the master. Qianzhen and I were waiting for her in the parking lot and saw her walking over with two bouquets of flowers.

How are you here? Yang Dongyang asked.

You say you don't know how to go to class today, we just want to see what kind of trouble you can make in class. I joke with her.

Tao Chunguang was accompanied by his sister. We had a meal with you. Yesterday was in a hurry. Qianzhen said.

Don't eat, I'm not in the mood, you send me back. Yang Dongyang said.

Qianzhen and I looked at each other, and we had to go to the cockpit alone and open the door on the left.

In the car, Yang Dongyang looked tired and didn’t talk much. I asked about the situation after Tao Chunguang came back yesterday. Yang Dongyang said that he was fine. He was in a stable mood with his sister. He also expressed his gratitude, but he didn't eat a few grains, and his sister said that this kind of food was not suitable for him, so he didn't eat it. listen to his sister. Yang Dongyang smiled bitterly, as if he liked being with his sister more. Both of them talked about their childhood, and I couldn't get in.

The blood relationship is very strange, it seems to be the last barrier in life, and the relationship between husband and wife for 20 years is not worth the blood relationship. Yang Dongyang said that she really felt Tao Chunguang's nostalgia for her daughter. He organized a big photo album for her daughter. When she was free, she would look at her daughter's photos, but he didn't want her daughter to come back too early to see him like this, and said He has accomplished nothing in his life, sorry for his daughter.

The car stopped at a traffic light intersection. There was rain on the window, and it was raining.

But he never mentioned it once, he's sorry for me. Yang Dongyang's voice was a bit louder, which startled me. Actually, I know that if I hadn't been in the top few exams when I was in school, Tao Chunguang might not have accepted my pursuit. I also knew that if I didn't score after graduation In a publishing house that is officially established, he will not give up his work in his old hometown government to come to Shijiazhuang to reunite with me. I also know that if he can earn more money after so many years, maybe our family will have to disintegrate. ...

No, how can you think so? I held Yang Dongyang's hand and felt Yang Dongyang trembling.

Thinking about it the other way around, it's like this. But I don't want to believe it is. Yang Dongyang said, "It's so fast, I'm here." She broke free from my hand, raised her butt, and said, "These flowers are yours, you can take them back."

Qianzhen didn't know why, so she looked at Yang Dongyang in the rearview mirror and said, "I never arrange flowers at home, but if you like flower arrangements, take them quickly."

Yang Dongyang said, I don't have any flowers in my house now, not even a single one. You don't know, after Tao Chunguang came back yesterday, he saw me putting lily and bellflower in a vase and threw the vase and flowers downstairs, not afraid of smashing people.

I got out of the car door with one leg, which surprised me, and when the other leg got out of the car door, I was a little anxious and bumped my head. I stared blankly at Yang Dongyang, not knowing what to say, and then I suddenly said indiscriminately, Dongyang, you have gone through so many life and death, so be careful. After I finished speaking, I regretted it, and quickly added that the children of "Flower and Fruit Tree" were all by your side at critical moments. When I said the words "flower and fruit tree", I regretted it even more, and looked at Yang Dongyang nervously.

Yang Dongyang smiled sadly, this time, I understand the parents of the children in the "Flower and Fruit Tree".

The white wall of the "flower and fruit tree" suddenly popped up in my mind, and now I'm thinking, it's good if there are no traces, why do you draw those children on the wall one by one like flowers? These fake flowers that never grow and never wither make people's sorrows never end.

Finally, I took the two big bouquets of flowers and went home in the drizzle. In fact, just like Qianzhen's family, we never put any flowers in our vase, they are all lucky bamboo, green dill and the like.

Nine

One day in the fall, Yang Dongyang posted a photo in the "Three Walk" group. It was a selfie of her lying on a hospital bed, with a white pillow and a white quilt. She was wearing a hospital gown, and her hair was spread out from the edge of the pillow. Come, then, she changed the group name to "Big Face Three Girls". Indeed, lying on the bed, her face was flat, with a lot of fat on her chin, and her face was really big. Then, Yang Dongyang said in the group, whoever of you will accompany me, I have plastic surgery and my face has grown bigger. The three of us are really "big-faced three girls" now.

Yang Dongyang rarely has such a humorous time. She is so humorous, I know, something must have happened.

At that time, Lao Tong was going to go fishing with a neighbor. He liked fishing this month, maybe not. He didn't like to stay at home, and he couldn't go to the mountains to take pictures on weekends, so he still went for fishing insurance with his neighbor. Now, he will tell me what he does. He gave up going to the mountains to take pictures. The reason he told me was that the people in the photography group were watching Li Ziqi fire, and they all shouted that they wanted to shoot a small video. He still felt that photography was more beautiful, so he didn't go with them. I know he's lying, he used to like Li Ziqi.

That's right, after I came home with two big bouquets of flowers that day, my old friend asked me a question. I explained it to him ambiguous, and he didn't ask any more questions. I wasn't surprised by this result, but I didn't eat much for dinner that day. I climbed into bed and tried to chat with friends to calm my mind.

However, after being calm for a while, I still got up and knocked on Lao Tong's bedroom door. The "boom" sound when the locked bedroom door opened almost made me return to my bedroom again. Fortunately, Lao Tong appeared in time at the door. door. I calmed down and told him that I bought an apartment, and tomorrow he must accompany me to go through the transfer procedures. Both husband and wife must sign unless they can provide a divorce certificate. The old man was stunned for a moment, and then our house broke out for the first time ever. There is no problem with the divorce certificate. I have already consulted and it can be done in one day. I say. No way, I can only tell the truth, I said that I had had enough of being with him, after a while, I wanted to go out and live by myself for two days, and I told him that I wanted to go with my lover I lived there, but it was weird, and when I bought that apartment, I realized I didn't need any lover. Old Tong said, yes, you don't need any lover, you don't need anyone, you are a cold-blooded animal. This made me want to laugh, but back in my own room, I still cried.

The next day, I was woken up by Lao Tong, who had dark circles around his eyes and went through the transfer procedures with me.

Lao Tong and I went out at the same time, and there was only one car at home. He heard that I was going to the hospital to see a friend. He paused and gave me the car keys, and I politely expressed my thanks. When I came up from the garage, I found Lao Tong standing at the gate of the community, grinning and waving at me. I didn't know what he was going to do, so he stopped the car. The old fellow got his head in and said, I'll take it to you. I said, aren't you going to go fishing? The old man said that fish can be caught at any time. I see that you are in a bad mood today, so I will send you. I switched to the co-pilot and watched my old friend drive the car skillfully. Such a scene has not been seen for a long time. Ten minutes later, Lao Tong told me that he had changed jobs and would never carry a camera again. That's the real reason why he didn't go to the mountains to take pictures with that photography group on weekends, right? What position did you change? I asked. repairman. The old friend said, you don't feel ashamed of the repairman, do you? I'm not on a contract now.

Not ashamed. I say. I looked out of the car window, and my eyes were blurry for a while, but I couldn't see anything clearly.

After a moment of silence, Lao Tong turned on the speaker, and the song "Desert Camel" came to me. I used to hate this song, and I thought the lyrics were unreasonable. That day, I actually heard it sounded good.

Long life journey, countless flowers bloom and fall

How can the boiling time be wasted

From morning to sunset, the flocks of birds are chasing

...

Yang Dongyang performed a minimally invasive procedure to remove a uterine fibroids. She lay weakly on the bed, her face did not look as big as in the photo.

Why cut it now? I know that Yang Dongyang has uterine fibroids. Women of our age always discuss issues such as estrogen, menopause, and uterine fibroids. Everyone knows what is wrong with them.

Yang Dongyang said that she always felt cold in her belly button during this time, so she put on a warm palace bag every day. Yesterday, she suddenly felt severe stomach pain and bleeding from her lower body, so she rushed to the hospital. The doctor checked and said that the uterine fibroids had Broken, only surgery.

Do you stick a warm palace bag? What warm palace bag? I asked.

Yang Dongyang didn't answer, saying, "Why are you asking so many questions? I asked you to accompany me, not to interrogate me."

I sat down helplessly and asked, where is Tao Chunguang?

Tao Chunguang has his sister to take care of. A trace of indifference flashed across Yang Dongyang's face. This indifference makes my heart skip a beat.

After sitting with Yang Dongyang for a while, Lao Tong called. I excused myself from the door of the ward and answered Lao Tong's call. Then, I calmed down and went to the nurse station to inquire about Yang Dongyang's condition. A nurse told me that this was the fifth hemorrhage caused by Yangsen Nuan Gong Bao. Fortunately, Yang Dongyang arrived in time, otherwise, life could be lost. Not guaranteed. After the nurse stood up, I called Qianzhen and asked if the warm palace bag she gave to Yang Dongyang last time was Yangsen brand, Qianzhen said yes, but she was almost scared to death when she found out that the Yangsen warm palace bag had an accident. She knew that Yang Dongyang had uterine fibroids, and the people who had an accident with Yangsen Nuan Gongbao had uterine fibroids. She called Yang Dongyang immediately, and Yang Dongyang told her that she had not used it, and she was relieved. Then, she told Yang Dongyang to throw away those warm palace bags. I felt chills all over my body.

After standing in the corridor for a while, I decided to go to Tao Chunguang on the third floor. The husband and wife, one lives on the third floor and the other lives on the eleventh floor, do they want to live and die together?

The elevator stopped on the third floor. I suddenly realized that the corridor on the third floor was so long. I walked to the nurse's station step by step, asked Tao Chunguang's name, and then went back, still step by step, until I went from a ward. The window on the door saw Tao Chunguang's half face, which was so thin that only bones were left, and it was difficult to recognize. I don't know if I should push the door and go in. Should I go in and have a fight with this seriously ill person?

I just stood there and shed tears for a while, then came back, walked through the long corridor, and got on the elevator. I don't understand, what kind of experience made Yang Dongyang choose to take his own life to prove himself?

Yang Dongyang seemed to look as usual, at least in front of me. I asked her what she would like to eat, and she said she had ordered takeout and asked me to pick it up for her later. It was two servings of glutinous rice porridge with red dates, one serving of fried yam with iron sticks, and one serving of fried shiitake mushrooms with celery. I ate it slowly with her, and for a while, she didn't know what to say. She suddenly remembered something, put down her chopsticks, took out her mobile phone, and said, today is the 28th, and there is less than a month left. There will be a meditation class at Qingliang Temple on the 20th of next month. I signed up, and then I thought about quitting. If I can't quit, I can't go anymore. You go. Can't be wasted. Seeing that I didn't understand, she went on to say, "You don't know how popular the meditation class in Qingliang Temple is, and the number of places is limited, so you have to sign up for more than half a year in advance. I calmed down and nodded.

ten

Tao Chunguang died in the late autumn of that year.

At that time, I was meditating in Qingliang Temple. More than half a month ago, when Yang Dongyang said that he would give me the quota, I agreed. When the staff contacted me, I suddenly hesitated. I remembered that many years ago, Yang Dongyang persuaded me to attend the "Family System Arrangement" class. That afternoon, under an old pine tree, we stuck pine oil on our shoes, and we remembered the part where we confided our "voice" in that class, and everyone burst into tears. However, the staff did not give me time to hesitate, she just routinely reminded the students of the check-in time. Putting down the phone, I began to slowly pack my things, and there was some vague expectation in my heart. It's been so long, I think I'm not afraid to know the secrets of everyone's heart up close, I also have secrets, and these secrets are in my heart. After a long time, in fact, it has become the nutrient for everyone to live.

But the meditation class is not as private as I thought. We just divide the time except for eating and sleeping into two parts, each part is an hour, one part is meditating and the other part is walking on the mountain road, and so on. Cycle, let the body achieve joy and harmony in movement and stillness.

On the fifth night, after returning to the dormitory, I turned on my phone and saw Qianzhen leaving me a message saying that Tao Chunguang was gone. Early the next morning, when I asked for leave with the person in charge, I was a little reluctant to let go. Such a simple way of moving and remaining still gave people a long-lost peace, which moved me very much, but I had to go back. I called my old friend. , let the old man come to pick me up.

It was said that Tao Chunguang did not go in pain. One day when he was sick, the sun was shining brightly. He suddenly said it was raining, and then he called a person's name. Yang Dongyang and Yaya, who were standing in front of the hospital bed, didn't know his name for a while. Who was it? Tao Chunguang's sister realized that he was calling a playmate of his childhood, who died in a car accident many years ago. Tao Chunguang was sent to the emergency room, and he left in less than a day.

Following Tao Chunguang's wishes, the funeral was held in Tao Chunguang's hometown, Xianping, without notifying the students in Shijiazhuang. On the day of the burial, Yang Dongyang wanted to rush out of Qianzhen and I’s arms several times. Following Tao Chunguang, her strength suddenly became so great that we could barely hold her, and everyone wept. On the other hand, Yaya showed a calm disproportionate to her age. After taking Yang Dongyang from us, she politely thanked us.

After the funeral, Qianzhen drove Yang Dongyang and Yaya back to Shijiazhuang.

Yang Dongyang seems to be more tired, or her sadness is exhausted. She was determined not to let Qianzhen and I stay at her house, and Yaya also told us that she would take good care of her mother. Qianzhen and I comforted each other on the way back. Yang Dongyang is a psychologist, so she must be fine, she will handle her emotions. We all remember that Yang Dongyang told us about the several depressions she suffered from after taking psychological counseling. She ran, sang, danced, drank, traveled, and used various methods to relieve herself, but once, she exhausted all methods. , still couldn't recover, and finally she found her own supervisor, the supervisor told her, "believe", only "believe" can you save yourself. Since then, she has never suffered from depression again.

Qianzhen and I insist on speaking to Yang Dongyang in the "Big Face Three Girls" group every day. About the fourth day, Yang Dongyang left us a message in the group early in the morning, saying that last night she dreamed of Tao Chunguang, Tao Chunguang was flying around in the air, her eyes were looking at her, but she didn't say a word. , and the clothes he wore were not the ones they had given him when he left.

Before leaving, did Tao Chunguang leave you a message? Qianzhen asked.

No, Tao Chunguang didn't leave me anything. Yang Dongyang said, just like he was in my dream, without saying a word.

On Tao Chunguang's "first seven" day, Qianzhen was not free. I drove Yang Dongyang and Yaya back to Tao Chunguang's hometown. I bought a large bunch of flowers in advance. After Yang Dongyang saw it, he asked me to leave the flowers in the car. She said, did you forget? Tao Chunguang doesn't like flowers. Last time, he threw away the flowers I bought when he visited the graves of his parents.

I haven't forgotten. When I bought flowers, I hesitated for a while. However, I don't know what else to bring besides incense paper and flowers to see a deceased person. I think most of the relatives who go to Tao Chunguang's "First Seven" memorial today will also bring flowers, which is universal. Strange things like flowers can be dedicated to love, to the sick, and to death.

I looked in the rearview mirror, and Yang Dongyang should have prepared some delicate fruits and snacks for Tao Chunguang.

When Yang Dongyang and Yaya, I got out of the car, we found that Tao Chunguang's house was full of people.

In Tao Chunguang's hometown, the "first seven" of a deceased person is a big event. All the relatives headed by Tao Chunguang's sister came. Tao Chunguang's aunt, uncle, cousin and cousin were sitting in the courtyard. Obviously waiting for Yang Dongyang and Yaya.

As soon as Yang Dongyang and Yaya sat on the small bench, Tao Chunguang's aunt cried first. The old woman must be 80 years old and cried tremblingly. , Before leaving, he left a message for her, telling her to eat less greasy food and worry less about snacks, and said that children have their own blessings. Tao Chunguang's sister also cried, saying that Chunguang's life is not easy, Jingjing has endured hardships and was tired, and left a message for her, so that she would be less angry, exercise more, and live a good life with her brother-in-law. Then there was Tao Chunguang's cousin. The cousin didn't shed any tears, but said intermittently, choked with sobbing, I heard a general meaning, probably he had borrowed money from Yang Dongyang and Tao Chunguang, not much, just Several thousand yuan, before leaving, he said that the money is no more, let him take good care of the children.

Yang Dongyang's face darkened a little, the muscles under her eyes trembled slightly, suppressing the burst of crying, and later, she couldn't hold it anymore, stood up from the small bench, and squatted in the yard.

When she arrived at the cemetery, Yang Dongyang didn't cry. The muscles under her eyes only trembled even more, and her mouth trembled. Tao Chunguang's cemetery is not a small one. Relatives rushed up and surrounded the cemetery. With Tao Chunguang's favorite fruits and snacks, he is like an irrelevant person. And me, even more irrelevant, the flowers in my hand are lonely and lifeless among the piles of fragrant paper, ingots, chicken, duck, fish, and puffed food.

On the return car, Yang Dongyang and Yaya didn't say a word, and I didn't know what to say. The car came off the mountain road, and when I turned a corner, I panicked and almost drove the car into a ditch. I think of Qianzhen. Qianzhen's driving skills are better than mine, and her psychological quality is better than mine, but this morning, she said that she forgot Tao Chunguang's "top seven" and made an appointment to go to Xiangshan with her current boyfriend. Maple Leaf, I asked her to change the time. She stammered and said that her boyfriend was free today. When I remembered, she changed another one. This one has a family. It is not easy to take a whole day.

This time, when she came back from Xianping, Yang Dongyang still didn't go out much and didn't see us. The difference is that in the "Big Face Three Girls" group, she didn't answer our messages very much. We tried our best to persuade Yang Dongyang to return to Qirui. Education went to work and she ignored us. Privately, Qianzhen and I discussed why Tao Chunguang left messages for everyone, except for his wife who has lived with him for twenty years, but we discussed and talked about and couldn't come to a conclusion. After about ten days, Qianzhen and I were a little worried, so we made an appointment to drive to Yang Dongyang's house from different directions, and found that the door of Yang Dongyang's house was tightly closed with a combination lock. We were surprised. At this time, when we contacted Yang Dongyang again, we found that we could not reach her by phone or WeChat. I asked my old friend to call Yang Dongyang, but I couldn't get through.

We called Qi Rui Education and they said that Yang Dongyang had resigned a few days ago. Resign? These two words put Qianzhen and I on the ground. Didn't you ask her why she resigned? Qianzhen asked. Asked, she said she was leaving Shijiazhuang. Answer over there. Where is she going? I asked, but she didn't say it.

There is also a "flower and fruit tree". Qianzhen hurriedly rummaged through the phone number of the person in charge of "Huaguoshu", but times changed. Back then, the "Huaguoshu" organization that Qianzhen interviewed had already changed hands. Qianzhen looked for a few people, but they couldn't get in touch with each other, so we had to drive take a trip. We stopped a car and drove a car. Halfway through the road, I received a call from Lao Tong. I don't know why, but when I heard his voice, I started to cry.

The current person in charge of "Flower and Fruit Tree" told us that Yang Dongyang came here some time ago and stayed with the children for more than half a day. Before leaving, he drew a few strokes on the wall and left.

I saw the white wall again, and there were a few more flowers on the wall. There was a name in the core of the flower, and they were all growing up and crooked. At first glance, it was the brushstrokes of children. In a corner of the white wall, I saw two fuchsias with parallel pedicles. The white outer petals were wrapped with the bright red inner petals, and the pink stamens hung down from the flower core, which was neatly drawn. I didn't look at the names in the cores of the two flowers, Qianzhen didn't know the inside story, she took a closer look, and when she looked at me again, tears rolled down her face.

Since then, Qianzhen and I have never heard from Yang Dongyang again.