An old classmate recently contacted me and wanted to ask how to get along with adolescent children. On the phone, she told me that the child has been very disobedient recently, and has also developed many bad habits, such as messy schoolbags, forgetting to bring textbooks, and clothes that are not folded after wearing them. Besides reprimanding, she can only follow the child's buttocks. The mess was cleaned up later, so parent-child conflicts proliferated.
Hearing this, I was very puzzled, because it is normal for adolescent children to be somewhat rebellious, and almost every child will have the bad habits she mentioned. I think that children should not suddenly become like this.
The old classmate also confirmed my guess on the phone. In fact, the child has always had these small problems, but he has suddenly become intolerable to these problems recently, and has lost the patience to teach the child.
In the nearly hour-long conversation, she only spent about ten minutes talking to me about the child, and the rest basically had nothing to do with the child.
She said that she has been under a lot of work pressure recently; she has a disagreement with her husband because of the birth of a second child; the new neighbor next door is renovating, and the noise is constant; her mother has been in bad health and has been hospitalized during this period, and she has three days a week after get off work. Go to the hospital to accompany you.
After listening, I said to her, "Then you must be very tired." She paused, then cried on the phone.
In fact, at this point, the reason why she lost control of her emotions is obvious: there are a lot of messes in her life waiting for her to deal with. She used to deal with it well, but now she can't deal with it, but she doesn't know what went wrong. She got lost in this mess, so she felt lost, sad and helpless.
She keeps getting angry with the child, not because the child has done too much, but because she couldn't handle her emotions well, so she took the child out.
I believe her feelings can be understood by many adults, old and young, who are struggling in the workplace. Work requires us to contribute a lot of time and energy. Children and relatives also need different degrees of care. People have limited energy. In order to take care of these people and things, we can only coordinate by reducing the time for self-care.
Self-care, as the name suggests, is taking care of yourself.
Some may question, who doesn't take care of themselves? We are all adults, we know how to dress and eat, and we can all be self-reliant. Isn’t this self-care?
This is of course self-care, but it's just "physical care" in self-care, and beyond that, it includes "emotional care" of the self.
When we take care of others, both physically and emotionally, we can feel the satisfaction of being needed. However, this all comes at a price, the neglect and absence of self-'emotional care'. When you keep giving and don't give back to yourself, one day you'll be exhausted and empty.
When you are overwhelmed by negative emotions, you may only review the meaning of your existence and try to make up for it spiritually.
Our bodies and minds are our "vehicles" to travel the world, so when we forget our spiritual shortcomings, we also gradually lose the ability to perceive happiness. "Self-care" is obviously an important ability in the growth of a person's life, but not everyone can do it well.
A lot of times we can suppress our anger when we are most angry, but rage over a small thing because we habitually block our emotions.
In fact, "blocking" emotions is the most common thing for adults. Many times the nature of work requires us to maintain a good emotional state, such as teachers. My psychological counseling room often receives new teachers or new class teachers who are emotionally broken down. Some of them will vent their emotions by chatting with me, some will just sit here alone to release, and some will directly collapse or cry. I always have a full set of makeup in my consultation room, because I know they need to touch up their makeup and get on with their work after they've worn out their makeup.
I also know that a brief vent won't help them get rid of all the negativity, but they have to block it for a while.
In this regard, my suggestion is not to wait until you can't stand it before venting, but to express your emotions habitually and avoid unnecessary suppression of emotions. For specific methods, please refer to the following:
Keep an emotional journal. If you don't want to cry, or you can't cry, you can turn to words.
Always remember good things. This will keep you comfortable.
listen to music. Studies have shown that calming or happy music can reduce anxiety.
Getting emotional support from parent-child relationships is also an effective way for adults to take care of themselves.
Parents want emotional feedback from their children, but not necessarily in the right way.
We may often say to our children: "It's all for you, I'm..." In fact, it can be transformed into: "Because of you, I have worked hard to do a lot. You made me realize that it is tiring to take care of someone, but when I think about it When you need me and your smile, I will feel very happy to be able to pay for you. But in fact, many times, I also need your love."
We may often say to our children: "Mom and Dad did this for you, and you should thank me." In fact, it can be converted into: "Mom and Dad are raising children for the first time, and there are still many things that are not very good, thank you for giving Our tolerance. But Mom and Dad's energy is also limited, we will also feel very tired, and we need your attention."
When we express gratitude, children naturally learn to appreciate. When we learn to express needs, children will naturally learn to give.
Many people believe that it is selfish to put their own happiness first. When we decide to do this, we tend to feel guilty because we put our self-worth on what others think or desire about us. Going a step further, it is we who put our self-esteem and self-confidence on what others want from us.
So let's realize: I deserve to be loved for who I am, not for what I can offer.
If you're used to putting yourself in an unimportant position, try this:
Make time regularly to do the things you want to do. This can help you regain your sense of self-worth and confidence, allowing you to discover your worth and rediscover yourself.
Set boundaries between self and others. There are no boundaries with people, you will be constantly violated and pushed, you will gradually live for others, and your life will no longer be your own. Therefore, it is necessary to set boundaries.
As an adult, please always remember that you are more important than anyone. Take care of yourself first, and then you will be able to do a good job and take care of your family.
