There is a line in the movie: The most terrible thing is not to die alone, but to die with someone who makes you lonely.
There is a knife called cold violence. I will not respond when you speak. You try to get closer, I leave cruelly. From beginning to end, I see you as nothing. You are like a dead person in my heart, or like a ball of air, whether you are sad or happy or sad or angry, I don't care, and it has nothing to do with me.
Cold violence, one of the cruelest tricks in intimacy, none. If it hadn't been for so many emotional counseling cases in person over the years, I would never believe that there are so many people who have been emotionally abused by cold and violence.
In relationship, there are two kinds of people who like to practice cold violence. One is unconscious and the other is conscious. Many unconscious cold and violent persons are avoidant personality. The native family makes them afraid of contradictions and conflicts. After encountering problems, their instinctive reaction is: Find a hole and bury their heads like an ostrich. No matter the flood outside, as long as you feel comfortable in your heart .
The conscious cold violent person generally belongs to the narcissistic sadistic personality. They have insight into human nature and perform cold violence on people with weaker energy in the emotional relationship, so as to destroy the self-esteem and belief of the other party, control the emotional initiative, and brush the sense of existence. Superiority.
So is the person who committed cold violence to you intentionally or unintentionally? It is necessary to carefully observe whether he adopts the same attitude when encountering conflicts in parenting, workplace or other interpersonal relationships. If so, then he is an avoidant personality. If he only treats you coldly and violently, it means that he is a narcissistic and sadistic personality and only dares to hurt the people who love him the most and care about him the most.
If you meet such a partner, the following suggestions can help you effectively deal with cold violence:
1. Stop excessive reflection and don't overcorrect. Feelings should run into each other, compromise with each other, and the most important thing is communication. Don't give up communication, it is you, not him, who are trying to solve the problem. You are the one who works hard to move forward in this relationship, and the one who really cares about the other person in this relationship, and he is the one who accumulates contradictions and avoids problems, so it is him who should reflect.
2. You need to see the true appearance of cold violence. Either they are "cowards" who are unable to resolve conflicts, or they are active abusers. The negative emotions they bring are not worthy of you falling into it and hurting yourself. What you have to do is to solve the problem and take countermeasures according to the type:
If the opponent is an avoidant personality and just instinctively wants to escape when encountering a problem, then the more you chase him, the more you run away, so just give him space to calm down. . With an avoidant personality, you don't need to ask him for answers, and he can't give you any simple answers. You can directly put into action what you want to do, and wait for him to come out of the "cave" and tell him the result. What you have to do is to let your actions lead you, instead of being led by his emotions, otherwise you will only consume yourself and accomplish nothing.
If you are facing a narcissistic and sadistic personality partner, you need to understand: His purpose is to "masturbate" you and enjoy the pleasure of being played by him. If you enter his logic, you will be painfully tangled by his cold violence, but he continues to enjoy this kind of pleasure, so he won't stop easily. But you have to understand: The reason why he can hurt you like this is that you gave him the right to hurt you. He is assured of your confidence that he knows that you are more afraid of losing him, so he dare to be unscrupulous against you. If he wants to use cold violence to force you to commit the crime, you will know your bottom line, and then he will have nothing to hold you back.
First of all, you must show a communication attitude and clearly tell him that you are very repulsive of cold violence, and two people who have problems should communicate and solve them; if you have established the bottom line and he still treats you coldly and violently, it is intentional to hurt you to the end. At this time, you have to make a choice: refrigerate with cold, not afraid of losing. At this time, he may eat hard or not eat soft, and start to face his shortcomings in this relationship and choose to change; if he remains unchanged, he will do his own way, you You can choose to leave this relationship with reluctance, otherwise your self-esteem and confidence will disappear without a trace.
Leng Violence is a quiet and cold cage. The longer a person is imprisoned, the more difficult it is to break free. You will gradually lose hope and courage. So find the power to continue to love what you love, follow what you think, communicate with others, and connect with the outside world. The more and deeper the connection, the stronger your happiness.
